


Somebody that I Used to Know

by TooYoungToFeelThisTired



Series: What if? [35]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Number Five | The Boy, Alternate Timelines, Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Feelings, Five is an adult, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Made For Each Other, Mention of Luther and Allison, No incest if you understand Fiveya, Pan-Vanya, Reunions, Romance, Season/Series 02, Sibling Bonding, Sissy and Vanya are friends, Sleeping next to each other, Some Sissy and Vanya, Spoiler for Season 2, Vanya's POV, fiveya - Freeform, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 43,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25728889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooYoungToFeelThisTired/pseuds/TooYoungToFeelThisTired
Summary: 'Y-you know me?' she asked feeling a bit silly since of course, he knew her. He said her name, didn't he?Vanya barely managed to let out a surprised gasp before she felt the man's lips against her own in a bruising kiss that threw her off more than anything that happened since she got hit by Sissy's car all those weeks before.'I'm your brother.'
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves, Sissy Cooper & Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves & Everyone, Vanya Hargreeves & The Hargreeves
Series: What if? [35]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1313192
Comments: 208
Kudos: 570
Collections: The umbrella academy





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> !! SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Vanya finally allowed her eyes to close and some of the exhaustion she was fighting back all night to take her away. She was just too damn tired and after everything that happened to her, the adrenaline, the survival instinct inside her must have run out. It was all so confusing and _so_ frustrating. Who were those men? Why did they try to ambush her? Kill her? Were they connected to her past? And just what the hell had happened to her to make someone want to kill her? She was so afraid when the man fired the shot and then…and then there was this pressure inside her and the noises around her became too much and well…something _exploded_ inside her and apparently caused some blue light to throw everyone away.

All of these questions and all of these events were circling inside her mind while she tried to get away as far as possible from the place and hide. Her heart was beating so loudly she thought the men would hear it too and find her again, but they didn't.

She let out a soft sigh. She wanted to rest so badly. Her eyes were heavy, and she felt so tired. She wanted to be back on the farm with Sissy and Harlan. She wanted to be in her comfy bed and not here in this cornfield wondering what the hell was happening and who the hell she was.

She felt a headache coming her way with the lack of sleep, the stress from last night and sitting here and-

When she heard the sound of moving corn, she instantly knew someone was coming.

Her eyes flew open and she held in her breath watching whoever was there approaching. Should she run? Did she have time? Whoever was coming would surely hear her if she started to run. Also, she hadn't heard the men since the blue light threw them away so maybe this was someone else.

A few corns stalks moved, and she somewhat relaxed as the man who was coming her way had very dark hair and wore a suit looking completely different than the milkmen or whoever they were with weirdly white hair. Somehow his appearance calmed her a bit.

His eyes immediately caught her once he was close, and Vanya was a bit thrown off by the almost relieved and glad smile this stranger shot her way.

He walked toward her, and she as well found herself moving closer to him even if still sitting in the corn feeling growing relief that someone was here with her even if a stranger.

'Hi Vanya,' he said, his smile growing as they now could see each other faces closely.

She blinked confused her heart speeding up just like it did yesterday with another man who showed up at the farm and knew her. He knew her. This man knew her as well. _He knew her!_

Thrill rushed through her melting the last bits of fear away with the new realization everything inside her vibrating with expectations of what would happen next and if she would _finally_ know who she was and what was happening and where she came from-

'Y-you know me?' she asked feeling a bit silly since _of course_ , he knew her. He said her name, didn't he?

Then before she could ask anything else or wait for the man to answer, his hand reached out, but instead of helping her up like she would expect him to, it appeared at the back of her neck startling her and yet keeping her frozen in place.

Vanya barely managed to let out a surprised gasp before she felt the man's lips against her own in a bruising kiss that threw her off more than anything that happened since she got hit by Sissy's car all those weeks before.

The kiss was a bit brutal and harsh, but not unpleasant or unwelcoming. She didn't know how, but the kiss felt like pure energy moving from him to her by the contact. It was almost like the energy vibrated inside her from the kiss.

His lips moved against hers in a very firm way guiding her and showing her what to do while tilting her head ever so slightly by the hold he had on the back of her neck to make it deeper which was when she found herself kissing him back.

She knew she kissed people before. She didn't remember, but Vanya somehow knew how to move her lips and what a kiss was and how should it feel, yet even her mind that lack the memories of her previous life, she could tell that _no one_ had ever kissed her like this before. The kiss made her burn all the way from her lips to every corner of her body sending a sensation from her lower belly she hadn't felt since the accident unless she was alone with her thoughts in her bedroom.

When he ended the kiss it felt all too soon even if she had a feel quite some time had passed.

She was left shocked as his lips pulled away along with his whole body missing the contact almost like she lost a piece of herself looking at the stranger with wide eyes and opened mouth.

Vanya didn't even realize she had tangled her hand into the fabric of his suit until she saw and felt him cover her hand and pull it away from him looking down at her with an unreadable expression on his face.

The man, however, recovered instantly and gave her a quick look with the most shit-eating smirk she ever saw which made her heart dangerously skip a beat before he completely threw her off even more than he did with the kiss or knowing who she was, 'I'm your brother.'

_Wait-what?!_

'Come on, we need to go,' he told her already turning around and walking away leaving her confused and a bit panic because _what the hell was that ?_

'Hey, uh, wait up,' she called and quickly jumped to her feet following the man and his ridiculously long and quick steps footsteps.

He didn't stop, but occasionally he turned around to look at her maybe to check if she was keeping up with him or if she was still walking.

'Those men…they tried to kill me,' she started to ramble about the last night hoping that man could offer her some explanation to what the hell had happened.

'Hm, so they found that's not good,' he said not sounding all that bothered which made her want to pout before he paused and she was shocked to realize they stood at the very place she unleashed the blue light.

'Woah,' she mumbled absently eyeing the large crater she made in the cornfield. She did this. She caused this. It was scary, yes, but also a bit thrilling in a way she never felt before. It made her feel oddly good about it the worries inside her stomach melting a bit.

'Good to see you still have your powers,' he said with a hint of praise in his voice before he turned toward and offered another smirk and a wink.

She opened her mouth not sure what to say or how to react to his calm behavior toward the situation.

'Come on, I will buy you breakfast, let's catch up,' he said and started to walk again not in the slightest looking alarm.

She rushed after him not to lose him wondering if she shouldn't be more suspicious and distrusting of this stranger who claimed to be her brother, who apparently kissed her like _that_.

'Wait,' Vanya called out as she followed him, 'What's your name?'

* * *

The man, Five (she still wasn't sure if he wasn't pulling her leg with the name), drove her car to a nearby diner and ordered them coffee and something to eat.

'I'm not hungry,' she tried to protest eyeing the omelet and bacon with some distaste.

The man let out an annoyed sound before he said, 'You have been up all night running from a trio of assassins while unleashing your powers, you need coffee and since you're a lightweight you need some food with it.'

She looked over at him at that feeling like she should be offended with how he acted, 'Do you like telling people what to do so much or do you just think you know me so well?'

He smirked at her again, and she was starting to get almost familiar with the way it looked when he did, 'Both.'

His hand pushed the plate and mug closer to her before he ordered her again in a voice which left no space for argument, 'Eat.'

It simply felt too bizarre to Vanya. All of it. The men who were after her wanted her dead. Her brother _kissed_ her and told her about her past which sounded more like a sci-fi novel than an actual life and well he looked at her like she was the one who didn't make sense to him, and he needed to solve her.

Still, she couldn't help but watch him as well trying to memorize his face and maybe trigger something from her past life. The kiss…felt _good_ but also _new_. She couldn't be sure, but she didn't think that they did that a lot, but the conversation. The light teasing and his seemingly jerklike behavior felt almost familiar and in a way calming some of her nerves and the tension she felt before.

He took a sip of his coffee without looking at her before he said, 'Take a picture it will last longer.'

She felt blood rush to her cheeks and embarrassment settle into her stomach as she quickly looked away, 'Sorry.'

She wondered if she often felt around him like a schoolgirl caught staring at a crush before she tried to compose herself a bit and added, 'I'm just trying to see if I won't start a memory by looking at you.'

Five was quiet for a moment thinking about something with a very specific look, that made Vanya curious about what was on his mind before he said, 'Unlikely, since the last time you saw me I had a pre-teenager face and wore school uniform shorts with long socks. Only once I ended up here my body decided to catch up to your age.'

She blinked at that and looked over at him again. She couldn't remember how he looked as a kid, but she supposed he must have had a nice face since now he was, well for the lack of a better word, _handsome_.

'So uh, adopted by an eccentric billionaire along with six other lucky gifted kids, what else?' she said trying to calm herself and her sudden feelings while wolfing down the breakfast as now she actually developed an appetite.

Five nodded seemingly relief that they returned to the topic, 'Well, we were raised by him somewhat. In the 2019 we tried to avoid the apocalypse by jumping into a vortex and ended up being scattered throughout the timeline in Dallas, Texas,' he said and turned to look at her.

She blinked taking it all in for a moment trying to make sense of what he just said putting the fork and knife down and turning properly toward him.

'W-what do you mean the apocalypse?' she asked wondering if she shouldn't lower her voice feeling the fear from last night return to her even if she was now out in daylight and next to someone who knew her. It just sounded so _ominous._

He took in a deep breath before he said, 'I mean, the end of the world as we know it.'

She blinked still confused or maybe in denial she couldn't make out a singular feeling at the moment, 'Yeah, but _how_?'

Five blinked at her then carefully looking into her face his eyes were very focused like he was trying to read her like a book, reveal all her secrets she didn't even know she had in the first place.

'You really don't remember anything,' he said seemingly accepting that she wasn't lying to him and looked strangely torn between relief and worry.

'No,' she told him even if she knew it was pointless, 'Nothing before…a month ago?'

'Well,' he leaned closer to her a bit which somehow compelled her to lean closer to him as well. Why did she trust him so much? Could it really be she remembered him subconsciously? That she trusted him and felt safe with him even if she didn't know him? The doctor, who took care of her said her memories could still be there just locked inside her mind, 'what do you remember?' he asked his voice a bit softer now.

Vanya looked away a bit remembering the first moments of her new life after she lost her memories. The light, the car, the terrible ringing in her head which was threatening to make her ears bleed it seemed and this dull pain inside her she couldn't explain before it was gone.

'I landed in this back alley, got hit by a car, of the woman I work for now,' she said and looked at him again. She was a bit surprised his eyes were still on her seemingly not moving an inch studying her and making her want to look away or blush again, 'Uh, there was ringing in my head. It was crazy. I had no idea how I got there or where I came from. No memories, just…just my name,' she said and looked at the cup of coffee in front of her. A shiver ran down her spine as she recalled those first moments after she woke up all alone and scared not knowing anyone, not recognizing anyone. It wasn't until she befriended Sissy and Harlan that it got better, but at the beginning, she felt like crying over the loss of people she didn't even know. Five apparently being one of those people.

He allowed her to have a moment of quiet to gather her thoughts for which she was grateful since she tried to make sense of it all and accept it. She saw what happened last night and in her dreams. She believed she had powers, and even if she didn't remember the man sitting next to her something deep down in her gut trusted him completely. Maybe even if her mind couldn't her heart did recognize him. So she had to believe everything he told her was true.

'What caused the apocalypse?' she asked finally after a moment recognizing somehow that it was an important piece of information even if she didn't know why she thought so.

The man-Five watched her for a second too long before he said, 'Asteroid impact.'

She wasn't sure, but something inside her told her that it wasn't right.

'Big boom,' he continued to say but shifted his eyes away from her and reached for his coffee instead, 'ends everything. It's like the one that got the dinosaurs but way worse.'

She couldn't help but feel that he wasn't being completely honest with her just like she knew she could trust him. But why? What could he be hiding? He didn't seem to have a problem talking about the murders from the cornfield or their childhood. Why was this different?

The memory of her dream from last night crossed her mind. The other man, Luther, was there in the halo of the blue light, but he looked in pain, and she couldn't help but feel terrified that it had something to do with her.

'And the bad news is it followed us here,' continued Five all of the sudden causing her to frown feeling the uneasiness in her stomach return and slowly spiral into a full-on panic, 'What do you mean it followed us?'

Five sighed, 'Eight days from now the world ends in a nuclear doomsday. Different disease but the same result,' he said something haunting in his eyes as he looked at her which made her want to reach out and touch him before she fully realized what he said.

'B-but that can't be right,' she argued in denial. Eight days from now? An apocalypse that will kill everyone? That was just…hard to accept or believe even if she could feel he wasn't lying.

His eyes looked dead serious as he said, 'I saw it with my own eyes.'

Vanya's stomach sank upon hearing that. The realization hitting her harder than Sissy's car-

_Sissy!_

'You were there,' he added and looked at his coffee again as he continued, 'we all were.'

She turned around noticing a payphone in the back, 'Shit, I-I need to make a phone call.'

She jumped out of the seat before Five's hand could reach her as she noticed he tried to. She had to call Sissy. Last night was insane, and she knew taking the car was a mistake, but she needed to clear her head from the dreams and what happened earlier and just… _shit_. She took Sissy's car. Her car that she needed to drive her son around. Damn it, she was so selfish and stupid-

Sissy picked up on the fourth ring. It was good to hear her voice. Somehow after the gloomy and terrifying thoughts of the apocalypse, it felt good to hear about her and Harlan and know there was still some _normal_ left in her life. Something which wasn't as crazy and complicated as Five and what he told her.

Her friend was in the middle of telling her something when all of the sudden Five's hand reached out and ended the call.

She shot him an upset look, 'What the hell?'

'We don't have time for this,' he told her ignoring her annoyance and looking around.

Vanya was shocked at his behavior, 'That's my friend you just hung up on,' she snapped at him almost hysterical. She just found out about the apocalypse, he couldn't expect her to be rational and calm when the world was about to end apparently _again_.

Five apparently wasn't in the mood for her meltdowns and hysteria since he grabbed her arms and pulled her closer forcing her to look up at him, his eyes burning with heat and urgency, 'Listen to me.'

She closed her mouth some of the anger slipping away thrown off by how close they were his face almost inches away from hers. If he leaned a bit closer or she stood up on her toes their faces would touch again. Her heart speeded up for a completely different reason, and she once again wondered just what the hell was going on between them that caused her instantly to feel like _this_ just by being close to him.

His eyes moved over her face and lost some of the heat before he lowered his voice, 'Those people from the field are coming after us,' his breath warmed her face as if she needed another reason to feel hot, 'They're never gonna stop.' So it did bother him even if he didn't show it at first maybe it was for her benefit that she lost the moment she started to freak out about the call.

'Do you understand me?' his voice softened a bit again his eyes looking almost apologetic even though his grip on her arms was firm showing her he wouldn't just let her ran away but needed her to accept it on her own.

She replied to him with a brief nodded not trusting to speak at that moment wondering if he was affected by all of this as much as she was the whole apocalypse and whatever the hell was between them.

'We're in this together.' The word caused something inside her chest to warm up again but not in a hot burning way anymore.

He took a deep breath and let it out before he continued, 'We have to find the others and figure out how to stop doomsday. Whoever this person is they can't be more important than the end of the world.'

Something in his eyes told her this was a motto he had to repeat to himself very often since it was almost like he believed it. _Almost_.

She couldn't accept that. She knew he was right, rationally, but she just couldn't accept that she would throw away the people she cared for even for the end of the world. Still, at the moment, she was still confused and needed more information to be able to make a decision, not to mention of those men knew she was coming from the farm and were only after her and her siblings, Sissy and Harlan were better off without her around. At least for now.

Vanya licked her lips and gave him another nod.

Five's eyes ran over her face one more time probably trying to figure out if he could believe her before he finally accepted that he could and let go of her stepping away and releasing her from his presence, 'We need to leave.'

She hung up the phone she had been holding throughout his whole speech and followed him outside wondering if she used to do so often just as blindly as she did now.

As they got to the car she hoped that Sissy and Harlan would forgive her.

* * *

After what felt like hours running around town from some apartment above the alley they all appeared to a night club, Five finally drove her to some secret boxing match in one of the old factories.

He put his arm around her shoulders like she was his decoration or something as he led her through the crowd of men with heavy drinks and occasionally women in dressed which made it clear they were on a job.

'Stick with me. Don't go anywhere,' he warned her as leaned his head closer to her.

She raised her brows, 'You know, I had been here a month before you showed up and survived just fine. I think I can handle myself pretty well.'

Five's smirk reappeared, 'You live on a farm against what exactly do you need to handle yourself? Chickens or cows?'

She shoved him, and he let her walk alone but stayed close enough to shot a nasty glare at anyone who looked her oddly.

Luther and his just as tall as him opponent appeared, and Vanya got a bit distracted as she felt Five step behind her instead of next to her.

Despite the eye roll and some mild annoyance, she had to admit at least to herself she felt better knowing he was there, close to her.

After the match started and Luther clearly gave the guy a free pass to make a show she called out to Five, 'Is it even fair if he has super strength?'

She expected him to call out his reply due to how loud the crowd around them was in their cheers, but instead, she found herself startled as she felt his breath against her ear and his voice softly replying to it. The sensation alone sparked something inside her body and caught her so, off guard, she didn't even catch his reply. But would rather die than admit it as she forced her eyes to stay on Luther and watch his match.

'You okay?' she heard him asked a moment later probably feeling or seeing how tense she was.

She gave him a quick nod wondering why didn't she just tell him to back off if he was making her so nervous and uncomfortable only to remind herself that it wasn't necessarily uncomfortable and nervousness what she felt around him.

Ignoring the match, she stole another glance at him and wondered just how bizarre it was that she felt like this about him without remembering their past and spending less than a day with him. Did they really have such a connection? She felt like maybe they could have. The way he spoke with her, teased her and yet was oddly _nice_ in his own way when he seemed to be quite a jerk otherwise told her that he had to care for her. At least enough to go look for her, enough to find her, enough to keep her away from men who tried to kill her.

He caught her staring at him as his eyes moved down toward her some amusement behind them for a moment before they turned to something else.

Again, she wondered if he would kiss her feeling something like a spark run through her body before she could stop it.

However, when his hand touched her elbow he gentled pushed her to turn back at the ring, 'Focus on Luther for now. I will get you a picture later.'

She rolled her eyes and shook her head feeling her cheek warming up again. She would have stepped away from him, but as his hand didn't leave her arm, she couldn't.

Vanya would try to stay focus on Luther as he clearly was letting the other guy beat the shit out of him, but found Five's hand on her elbow just too _distracting._

* * *

After they managed to get Luther somehow to bed, Vanya wanted to stay and keep an eye on him feeling like it was the _right_ thing to do, and what siblings did for one another. Apparently not in this family or maybe it was due to one of the members of it being a total jackass.

As Five felt no such obligations and after he tossed their brother on the bed made his way to the door.

'But we should stay,' she argued following him out of the room and softly closing the door behind her so she wouldn't wake their defeated brother up.

'He has a single bed, and he's out cold. We wouldn't be of any use to him and only give ourselves bad backs in the morning,' he replied already almost at the bottom of the stairs not stopping or slowing down for her.

_He was so annoying sometimes._

Vanya wondered what she used to think about the man whenever he acted like that. Probably something along the lines of _asshole_. She knew him for a day, and he already managed to successfully get on her nerves at times with his comments and that shit-eating smirk of his.

'Get in the back,' he said as she tried to open the front passenger's door.

Before she could reply, he shut it and blocked it with his body, 'You will have more room there.'

'That's ridiculous. You're like three times taller than me,' she tried to argue, but he already rushed her to the back and opened the door for her. She knew he wasn't being chevalier.

'You don't have to be such a control freak,' she told him as she started to get inside, 'Barking orders left and right.'

He paused on his way to close the door looking down at her that _pesky_ smirk spread across his handsome face, 'Oh, believe me, Vanya, you haven't even seen me bark orders or being in control yet.'

He closed the door on her allowing her to let out a gasp and momentarily freak out while her heart did another skip her cheeks burning from the implication.

_That ASSHOLE!_

He came to sit down next to her brushing his hair a bit and pulling the tie from his neck off and then his suit jacket.

'Put this on,' he said in a bit of a softer voice, 'It gets cold at night.'

She had half the mind to tell him to shove it up the ass, but ultimately got convinced by his light tone which almost made it sound like a request and not another order.

When she took it their fingers brushed for a moment causing the tiniest spark to run through her once again leaving her helpless to the goosebumps that no doubt appeared on the back of the neck.

Five let his hand fall away first and closed his eyes leaving her wondering if he even felt something in the first place. Probably not.

She pressed herself against the backseat sliding a bit lower to be more comfortable enough even though she doubted she would be sleeping like this. Still, she felt incredibly tired and all the events of the past few days were proving to be quite exhausting.

Five crossed his arms without opening his eyes mumbling something like good night so she did the same.

With no sleep for more than twenty-four hours, Vanya found herself drifting away immediately. As she did, she would have sworn she heard Five say something along the line of _I missed you._

* * *

Just like the day after she met Luther, Vanya found herself dreaming about the bright blue light, only this time it seemed to be sucking the life out of a young boy.

_I decided you're the only person I can trust_

_I missed you, and I just don't want to lose my brother after I got him back_

_Vanya!_

She woke up again with images she didn't remember flowing inside her mind not sure which ones could be memories and which ones were just dreams her mind made up.

Unlike the night before she didn't gasp in pain and felt the need to get out feeling her tongue-tied and her lungs not receiving enough air with her mind in chaos.

No, this time she woke up to the feeling of warmth surrounding her as her back lied against something much more comfortable than the cushion of the backseat. Not to mention she felt something incredibly soft rub light as feathers circles against her collar bone under her shirt making it almost too tempting to keep her eyes closed and continue sleeping.

She blinked trying to glance around. She was still on the backseat, but instead of the side she remembered falling sleep on, she was moved closer to the window.

Her back was pressed against someone's raising and falling chest and her legs trapped between a pair of much longer ones that needed to bend to fit into the backseat.

There was still a suit jacket thrown over her stomach like a blanket, and a hand was holding her close sneaking into her shirt through an open button she didn't remember undoing last night while it rubbed the light circles she felt before.

_Five_

Even without the memories of yesterday returning to her slowly awakening mind, Vanya just knew it was Five who was holding her like this. It was strange, but even if she was somewhat sure they never kissed until yesterday, she was just as sure that _this,_ sleeping close to one another, being familiar with the soft sounds of each other breathing and heartbeats in small spaces where they had to touch and press close enough to fit was something they definitely did before.

She knew he was awake, and she was almost certain, he knew she was as well.

Very carefully she tried to turn her head toward him to face him.

He looked a bit tired, his eye not fully opened even if awake and his hair ruffled like he just woke up yet neither of those things made him look any less attractive.

_Ridiculous_

It was ridiculous how this man managed to cause her to feel like this since the first moment. Was she just being overwhelmed? Over the course of the month with no memories she sometimes felt conflicted or _something_ toward Sissy, not knowing if it was just gratitude from the woman being so kind to her, but _this_ , this with Five seemed on a completely different level as it made her shiver all over and burn whenever he got too close. No, she wasn't just overwhelmed by the first handsome man who showed interest in her, this was something else.

_It was real._

That much she knew.

Blinking instead of a proper good morning she asked him looking at his green eyes that now seemed to have bluer inside them, 'What kind of siblings are we?'

The corner of his lips made a quick pull into that smirk which was both frustrating and thrilling before he said very slowly and quietly being considered of the early morning that was outside given how little light there was, 'A very complicated kind.'

This time, she took the lead in kissing him although he didn't seem half as surprised or shocked as she was when he did it yesterday. The kiss was slow almost delicate and carried certain laziness probably due to the early morning hours and the fact that they just woke up. This kiss was different than yesterday one that felt almost bruising and violent like he was trying to hit and run with it before she would fight him back or before something would happen. This one felt like they had all the time in the world to carefully explore one another mouths and angles in gentle moves as if they were dancing to a very slow song. A kiss like this could easily put her to sleep, but not because it was boring (it was anything but), but because it made her feel more relaxed and calmer than she had since the car accident and maybe even before it. She couldn't explain it but felt ridiculously content and happy as Five's hand found her cheek tilting her head again but not as firmly as last time to deepen the kiss. It was almost out of place how tender he was with her now given how she got to know him as a control freak who liked giving orders and a bit of an asshole. _Well, more than a bit._

When she shifted her back against him to turn around properly, she felt something growing against her side which directly sparked the feeling from before inside her lower belly.

'Uh,' she broke the kiss, 'it's fine?'

'I didn't say it wasn't,' he replied not looking too bothered by his physical reaction which made her feel silly about even acknowledging it in the first place.

With a sigh, he pressed his forehead against hers in a gesture more affectionate and caring than anything Vanya remembered to experienced so far. It felt like they just had woken up somewhere else, sharing a bed on a Sunday morning with nothing to do but enjoy themselves in peace, and not on a backseat of her employer's car with a ticking clock on trying to avoid the doomsday.

Still, the sun started to slowly and mercilessly raise and reveal the world around them behind the glass windows of the car which they could no longer hide them inside away from their problems and the things that needed to be done.

'I need to make a phone call,' Five said after a while, and she felt a sudden awkwardness about their positions and situation.

'I will go check on Luther.'

He rolled his eyes and tried to tell her not to bother returning to his normal self, but she already got out of his lap and the car rushing toward the building her mind running over what happened and what it meant in the same chaos of thoughts as before.

She was starting to think nothing was simple when dealing with Five.

* * *

Her mind was racing as she walked down the stairs out of Luther's apartment a few minutes after she just came.

She wanted to know the truth. She knew Five was hiding something about the apocalypse and now she knew what it was. It was her. _She caused it._ She was the bomb that destroyed the world, and now she was here and the world was about to end in seven days again. It felt like an awful coincidence.

By the last step out of Luther's place, Vanya had to stop and grab a hold of the nearest wall. She caused it. All those people. She killed them. She destroyed them. Her stomach flipped and not in a good way.

Was she really a monster? After she lost her memories she often wondered what kind of person she was. Sissy always said she had to be a sweetheart as she was so good and kind to Harlan, but that didn't mean anything. Just because she was a good person now didn't mean she was a good person back then.

She rushed out of the building, Five already waiting for her nodding at the hole Luther punched through the wall, 'I can see that went well.'

She continued to walk ignoring him feeling her worries and fear pushed aside with frustration over him coming into her perfectly calm and normal life and wrecking it apart with the truth well not quite because he lied about the most important fact of all of this.

She felt pissed.

'Ready to go?' he asked oblivious to her ager which upset her even more as she realized how much of a jerk he was already giving her orders like he knew her. That was the thing. He _knew_ her. Past tense. She wasn't that person anymore. She didn't even know that person. Here she was Vanya, who worked as a nanny on a farm living a happy and peaceful life not some monster who caused the end of days.

'I'm going back to the farm,' she said already making up her mind and hurrying up to the car.

Of course, Five followed her his footsteps quicker now to catch her, 'What? I told you. We have to stick together, Vanya.'

Again with that word. Together. They weren't together. She only met two of her siblings, and one had his own issues while the other tried to control her by leaving out important facts about her life.

She turned around and shot him a look, 'Oh, why? So I don't end the world _again_?'

He watched her shocked for maybe a second before he pressed his jaw tightly revealing his anger, 'That stupid-'

She rolled her eyes feeling her frustration turn into anger as she yanked the car door open harder than she normally would have, 'Were you even gonna tell me?'

He took a step closer, his presence throwing her off a bit as she recalled the kiss from a few minutes ago but did her best to control herself and her feelings to stand her ground. Just because he had some effect on her didn't mean she would submit to him the way she saw Sissy do so many times to her husband. No! No way, she would let him control her life and drive her around wherever he pleased when he didn't even have the decency, to be honest with her.

'You know what in my defense no, alright? And can you blame me?' he asked or more like snapped at her with an arrogant look on his face that she wanted to so desperately wipe out, 'When you get angry shit blows up.'

'Great,' she said sarcastically and nodded getting into the car, 'are there any _other_ secrets you _fail_ to mention?'

She should just leave. Obviously, he didn't trust her and only wanted her around to keep an eye on her. Whatever was between them wouldn't change that if there even was something between them and this wasn't just some mind game to keep her in place.

'A buttload, Vanya!' his voice was so sharp and loud it was almost a shout, 'but I don't have the luxury of sharing them-'

He was cut off as he realized she closed the door at his face and started the car.

He must have realized she was ready to leave, but before she could, however, he knocked on her window. A part of her really wanted to floor it and leave him there without a second chance for being such a jerk and what he did.

But once again another pesky part inside her gut or heart or whatever told her to give him a moment and roll the window down to hear him out. Stupid feelings.

Once she did, Five looked like he wanted to say something else but instead return to his serious and jackass self-important voice, 'The clock is ticking on doomsday.'

She turned away from him looking in front of herself rather than at him.

A moment passed, and she heard him took in a deep breath probably realizing he wouldn't get anywhere with her, 'J-just tell me that when I call you, you'll be ready.'

His voice was soft again, and when Vanya dared to glance at him, she found that there was something incredibly vulnerable in his eyes, which made Vanya almost give in.

But at the same time, she couldn't help but felt it was another ploy of his to try and control the situation and her. If she wasn't so upset with him now perhaps she would have been happy that somewhere deep inside her, she felt recognition of his behavior from before she lost her memories like she always knew he could be manipulative and controlling, and still cared for him knowing he cared for her, but at that moment it was just too much. She didn't know him. Not really, and he didn't know her, this her, and right now Five, the apocalypse, murderers, and powers were simply too much for her to handle.

'I can't help you, Five,' she said knowing she was hurting him and feeling a stabbing pain inside her chest as well as she watched his face fall a bit, 'I don't even know who I am.'

The person who caused the apocalypse or the nanny from the farm.

'You're our sister!' he called out loud as if to prove it to her, 'And a member of the Umbrella Academy. Like it or not. _That's_ who you are.'

She looked at him again wanting to believe him. Wanting to believe that she was someone good back then as well, someone worth it, but knowing what she did she couldn't. And not even he could help her right now to sort it all out.

'No, that's who I was,' she said stubbornly not even sure she believed her own words before she said the first thing that came to her mind, 'New timeline, new _me_.'

Five shot her a disbelieving look, but she didn't waste time with him anymore and drove off not having enough courage to stay any longer fearing he might actually convince her somehow to stay and be somehow she couldn't remember how anymore.

**Pokračovanie nabudúce**


	2. Chapter 2

The whole day was a mess. An absolute mess.

It was the only thing, Vanya could allow herself to think as she sat on Sissy's couch later that day running everything that happened through her mind. She was chased by assassins in the cornfield. She found out about her past. She met some of her siblings. She made out and caught conflicted feelings about Five. Harlan almost drowned in the lake. And she used her _powers_ to save him. It was so bizarre and almost seem unreal, and yet it was all true. It was terrifying and crazy and yet it felt thrilling and made perfect sense. Over the course of the past few weeks since the accident she thought a lot about her past, and if she had family and friends out there coming up with countless scenarios in the privacy of her mind about her life but _this_? Having powers, five adopted siblings, ending the world. She literally couldn't come up with stuff like this even if she tried to.

Now she was here, on the couch, back on the farm, watching as Sissy was nervously walking around kitchen babbling to herself and debating whether she should start crying or laughing or both any moment. Honestly, Vanya wondered the same thing. Nothing made sense, and she wasn't sure what to do next. She wanted to leave right after saying goodbye realizing too late, that Five was right, and she was just putting both Sissy and Harlan in danger by staying here. Then Harlan ran away and almost drowned because he overheard her saying she was leaving, and now she felt she couldn't _just_ leave.

Everything was a mess. She thought, she would find some sense in all of it the more time would pass, but so far she was just as if not more confused than before. It was incredibly frustrating. She used to think that not knowing was the worst. It was horrible yes, but it was nothing compare to knowing _some_ things and questing and endlessly killing her brain with other ones. Why did she lose control and caused the apocalypse? Why would another apocalypse happen now? Did they even have time to stop it? Why did she feel like she wanted to see Five again?

It was incredibly annoying and made her want to punch something honestly or let out the pressure she felt inside her chest the way she did on the _Ikea Mafia_ or when she raised the water in the lake. She wouldn't of course. She knew that would be dangerous, and could hurt people. Luther said she lost control before because of some trauma and that they acted badly toward her. Was it really so bad? Sure, even now she sometimes got upset the way _any_ normal person does about little things, but she couldn't imagine herself so angry she would explode to a level she would end all life on earth.

Chills ran down her spine as she thought about that.

_It was terrifying to wonder if she could trust herself._

Sissy finally took her own glass and came to sit down on the couch with a very crooked smile on her face. Honestly, Vanya would rather she didn't smile at all if she wasn't happy.

'What a day,' said the woman trying to lighten up the mood, and Vanya humored her with a nod and fake smile as well for a moment before her friend let out a sob and started to cry.

'Hey,' Vanya said softly and put her arms around her shoulders while the woman covered her face and shook her head, 'It's okay.'

Sissy sobbed, 'If-if you haven't been there-'

'But I was,' said Vanya trying to assure and comfort her although she felt the same. If she hadn't been there Harlan would have drowned, but at the same time, if she wasn't here upsetting him in the first place, he would have never run off to.

She felt so guilty now. She shouldn't have come back. She should have returned the car or have someone else return it and call her goodbye. She only messed everything up even more than it already was.

_Damn it!_

She eventually got Sissy to stop crying by cracking a joke about Harlan's comics obsession. It felt good to hear her laugh even if for a moment.

Vanya looked at her with a small smile thinking two days ago that smile would have made her so happy and proud of herself she managed to get Sissy to have it. Two days ago everything was different, and Sissy and Harlan and the farm were the most important aspects of her life. But everything changed those two days ago in that cornfield.

'I should leave,' she said glancing at her hands now not being able to look at Sissy, her dear friend, who saved her life and got a roof over her head and practically took her into her home and family, a stranger with no memory, useless in a lot of ways. She just took her in. She didn't have to. Yes, she ran her over, but she could have just paid her medical bill and wish her good luck, but no, not Sissy, the woman was too kind for her own good, and she took Vanya in and gave her home simply because she was a good person.

Vanya couldn't look at her now.

'Do you know what it's like,' started the woman softly even if in the silence of the room her words spoke volume, 'to have a man who can't see you?'

Vanya looked at her than seeing the pain in her eyes she sometimes caught whenever she was dealing with Carl or talking about her past and dreams.

'A son who won't talk to you?' she asked grimacing a bit. 'Your life gets small. And a little smaller every day. You don't even notice the box that you're in until someone comes over and lets you out,' she said, and Vanya sighed wishing at that moment, that she could accept what Sissy was telling her, and maybe two days ago, she could have, and would even know how to answer her or what to say to make it _right_ for Sissy.

'You tell me how you let her go, tell me, and I'll do it,' she said, and Vanya wished more than anything that she could tell this kind and good woman what she wanted and needed to hear because more than anyone else Vanya knew even if she didn't know many people, Sissy _goddamnit_ deserved it. It would be so much easier like this. Sissy was good and normal. Sissy represented the life on the farm filled with jokes and laugher and days going by slowly while they shared small knowing glances and casual touches. Sissy was _so_ good and so _ordinary_. She wasn't confusing. She didn't make Vanya question her motives or if she was hiding things from her claiming to protect her or working on saving the world. With Sissy, she didn't feel she was pulling the shorter end of the stick. All her memories with Sissy were the same one the woman had as well, Vanya didn't have to wonder who she was before, because Sissy didn't know her before. She didn't feel overwhelmed, or like she buzzing energy around her, and the sensation inside her stomach spreading all over her body was almost too much when she was with the woman. She didn't feel like anything intense and burning the way Five did.

Sissy deserved this. She deserved a good life, a happy life. She did everything for Harlan, sacrificed everything for Carl, took care of the farm every day. She deserved to feel someone loved her the way she wanted to be love. She deserved to have just a little bit of happiness. She deserved her life to be bigger, to break out of the box that life and marriage to a man she didn't love put her into.

When Sissy leaned toward Vanya, she gave her time to stop her if she wanted to, but Vanya found herself too desperate for the normalcy of the life she lived before and to give her friend, her dear friend, and saver, at least _something_ because no one deserved a better life, a happier life, more than Sissy Cooper. And Vanya told herself this would be good. This would be ideal. This was the life she could live happily and ordinarily. This was the life which was so familiar and not frustrating or annoying or anything Five and his talks about the apocalypse caused inside of her. She craved that normalcy and familiarity. She wanted nothing more than to feel it again and erase the chaos inside her created a few days ago.

However, the moment the other woman did kiss her, Vanya felt the stab of disappointment and guilt.

Disappointment because even if the kiss was sweet, lovely even, it didn't spark anything even close to the heated sensation she felt when Five kissed her.

And guilt because she realized it was so incredibly selfish and unfair of her to do this Sissy when she _knew_ , she could never really love her like that. At least not with the way she felt…she felt something for Five.

She broke the kiss and looked away shaking her head upset at herself for not stopping the blonde before she would let it go this far.

The woman leaned away but kept her hand on Vanya's shoulder, 'You met someone, didn't you?'

Vanya blinked and looked over at the woman as she watched her with nothing but a soft smile and caring eyes. Of course, Sissy would look like this if she found out someone she cared for cared for someone else. She was Sissy. She was good, sweet, and kind. And she didn't deserve Vanya to mess her life and feelings with her own. She didn't deserve to care for someone as selfish as Vanya, who apparently ended the world, killing millionths and let her friend confessed her feelings for her and kiss her just to make herself feel better.

'I'm so sorry,' she said and shook her head as she felt tears running down her cheeks. It was all too much. Yesterday and today. Everything inside her. Everything that happened was just too damn much.

'No, Vanya, no,' said Sissy and pulled her closer into a tight warm hug, 'Never apologize for that. Never apologize for love. Love is…you should never apologize for loving someone.'

Vanya shook her head not understanding how someone as good as Sissy could even exist and not have a happy life, 'I'm sorry-I just…I just…he pisses me off so much-but I feel-'

She cut herself off. Even if Sissy would listen to her, it was even crueler to rub her nose in what she felt for someone else.

She pulled away and looked at the blond trying to brush away the tears and talk without sobbing, 'Before I would have…before…I met him. I felt something. I want you to know that I really did feel something, and maybe if I never met him, I would have-'

'It's okay, Vanya,' said the woman and smiled at her with nothing but kindness, not even a little bit of jealousy, envy, or any malice.

'Everyone deserves that,' she brushed her hair with so much care Vanya actually wished Five never found her in that cornfield and that she could feel just as deeply for Sissy as she deserved.

* * *

_It's okay. I'm here now._

_I'm sorry I left without a goodbye._

_Don't worry I know what I'm doing, and when I get back I will take you anywhere you want to go._

_They hate me._

_I swear you're the only person worth talking to in this hellhole._

Vanya woke up once again with short images of a boy in some school uniform running around her mind. Even if she still couldn't tell what was a real memory and what was a dream, she was sure the boy was Five as even the first night when she saw Luther she dreamed about him. The images made her feel confused as she felt happiness upon seeing him, being with him overlapping with a certain sadness. She wondered about their lives and all the things she couldn't remember, and he didn't tell her. What were they like as kids? Did they share secret looks and feelings even then? It seemed likely given just how quickly she felt herself falling for him knowing him for just three days in total. It was frustrated to know, he remembered everything, and she didn't even have a clue.

She knew the moment Sissy woke up as she rolled to her back. It was quite the emotional night so the two of them ended up in her master bedroom the way they used to whenever Carl was out of town for the whole night so they wouldn't be alone.

Vanya sighed and looked over at the blonde that was staring at the ceiling, 'How do you feel?'

'Good…well not worse,' she said with a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.

Vanya felt horrible. Last night, the last couple of days, were so emotional and confusing. She had been going through so much, and yet she felt like Sissy had just enough on her plate. When Five spoke about the apocalypse he made it sound like nothing was more important, and Vanya got it. Yes, she understood that compare to an unhappy marriage and life the doomsday was colossally more important, but should they just stop living their lives and sacrifice everyone and everything for the apocalypse the way she felt Five did. He didn't say it, but she could tell he gave up a lot. She wondered if he gave up her as well as one point too. She could see him doing that. He certainly looked like a pragmatic and cold-hearted enough person to do what was needed to be done, however, sometimes he paused or looked at her whenever he was making a speech like maybe just maybe she was his only weakness, that he wasn't one-hundred percent sure, he would be able to let go. It caused her heart to skip a beat before it started to beat faster.

She almost groaned at herself, and her reactions. She knew him for three days. Three. She shouldn't be this smitten by him just because they kissed twice, and he was handsome. But here she was already recalling the feeling of his lips on hers and the way his eyes followed her around like he was trying to read her thoughts and felt like she wanted to go back to him despite all his lies and manipulations.

_Idiot_

She turned toward Sissy fully instead pushing thoughts of Five out of her mind, 'Yesterday, you were talking about leaving. Is it really something you would want to do?'

The blonde shrugged her shoulders but looked like she was picturing it all, 'I don't know. Maybe. It's…sometimes I think what would it be like to just take the cash I have, take Harlan and drive away. Somewhere, anywhere really. Just to get out of here, out of this farm, this life, away Carl.'

'You can do that. I-I could help you,' she said and sat up, 'Whatever would you need? I could cover for you, help you take the things anything.'

Sissy turned to look at her carefully, 'I take it you wouldn't come with.'

Vanya wished she could say that she would, but Sissy quickly continued not letting the guilt settle in for too long, she was too good for that, 'Where would I go? Somewhere to the city? It would be nice for a chance to sleep in longer and spent more time with Harlan.'

They fantasized out loud about where Sissy and Harlan could go and what kind of life they could have before they heard Carl's car coming back earlier than he should have.

They quietly made the bed and Sissy rushed to make breakfast while Vanya went to wake Harlan up and help him get dressed.

As she watched the boy get ready looking calmer than before, she swore to herself that she would do whatever it took to get the both of them out of this house and from Carl so they could have a shot at a better life, a life they deserve.

She let Harlan go to the kitchen on his own and went to shower and get new clothes. She wondered about it all and what she could do. She had some money Sissy force to her even if she told her she would gladly work just for a place to stay and food when she started. She could ask Five for help or maybe Luther although they probably had their own things to worry about.

_No!_

She shouldn't have to ask them at all. She should figure something out on her own. Sissy had some money, and they could take the car. Vanya could drive them to the bus, and return to car explain it all to Carl. He wasn't a bad guy. He had flaws like anyone, but he also let her stay in the house, and even with his comments he never straight out told her to get out or that she was a nuisance there.

When she came to the kitchen, she was greeted with Carl's overly great mood probably the best mood he had since she knew him. He was practically dancing around the kitchen talking to Sissy while Harlan was sitting behind the table oblivious to the rest of the world.

He told her, he got a promotion right away and processed to put his hands on Sissy looking all happy about the news.

Vanya offered a tight smile gritting her teeth behind her lips as she watched how uncomfortable the blonde looked trying to pull away from him complaining that Harlan was in the room. It was hard to watch and listen to, and Vanya wished she could think up something to say to make him stop without causing problems for the two.

'Carl,' she said finally and received a nasty look from Sissy for her troubles, 'Stay out of this Vanya.'

The buzzing noise of Harlan's board game caused Vanya to look over at him feeling even more uncomfortable and stressed. Loud noises were never good for her. She felt the familiar pressure inside her, the energy, her powers coming to life from the sound, and the danger she was starting to feel more clearly the louder Sissy and Carl's fight was becoming.

She wasn't sure if it was her or not but she felt the static she did the night in the cornfield and then all of a sudden a window in the kitchen cracked causing everyone to stop what they were doing and look at it including Vanya.

_Was that her?_

She felt her powers, but she didn't think she released them.

The clouds behind the window started to shift and the sun came out again confusing Vanya even more. When did it become so cloudy?

When she felt Harlan's hand over hers she blinked confused. Occasionally, the boy showed her affection in his own special way, but never so clearly which puzzled her even more than the window.

Before she could ask him or point out to it, however, he let go as Sissy came to tell him to put on his shoes and that they would spend a day together as a family.

She ignored all the pleading looks, Vanya shot her and went to get them ready.

With a day off, and seemingly no use to try and talk to Sissy about it, she got up and started to walk toward the door catching the odd look Carl shot her but ignoring it in the end.

When she heard the honk outside, Vanya was almost glad for the disturbance and rushed outside to see who it was only to find Luther waving at her awkwardly.

* * *

Vanya was more than happy to leave with him to be completely honest, so she wouldn't have to watch how miserable Sissy and Harlan were and how the whole happy family portrait of the Cooper family was fake. Not to mention, she was curious about the rest of her siblings, she didn't meet so far.

'So where's Five?' she asked carefully hoping she wasn't too obvious, but Luther didn't even bat an eye as he continued to drive, 'He went to go get Allison. Our sister.'

Vanya nodded wondering if he wasn't a bit upset with her for leaving him with Luther the other day without a car and after _everything_. Looking back, it was unreasonable and a bit mean, but she was going through things, and Five was being just _so Five!_ Funny, how after knowing him for two days she already _knew_ just how annoying he could be.

_Asshole_

'Hey, sorry, if I was a bit of a jerk before,' said the large man, and she blinked confused for a few moments before she remembered what he was talking about, 'No worries. It was a lot to handle, and frankly, Five was a much bigger jerk.'

Luther smirked, 'Yeah, Five is the king of jerks.'

She chuckled a bit.

It was nice. The air between Luther and her felt better than it did during their previous meetings. She supposed they got passed whatever he did to her and her causing the apocalypse. She was glad. She hated to think that anyone, her siblings, would hate her for it when she didn't even have the luxury of knowing what really happened or the real guilt since she couldn't remember doing it in the first place.

'Was he mad? That I left him like that?' she tried again carefully trying to catch any emotions across Luther's face, but he shook his head casually, 'Doubt that. Five didn't say anything, and he would never be mad at you.'

She blinked at that. So he knew? Was it a common knowledge between the siblings and that her and Five's relationship wasn't completely _ordinary_ considering the definition of _siblings_.

'How come?' she asked, and Luther shrugged his shoulders, 'He just wouldn't. Even growing up if he got upset, he never took it out on you or hold it against you. I guess you were his favorite sister. He used to say you were the only one in the whole house who could have an intelligent conversation with…well you and Ben. But Ben was always dragged away by Klaus or Diego, so it was just the two of you mostly.'

She nodded trying not to show that it got to her too much. It caused her to wonder. Maybe Luther wouldn't know if their relationship was something more before, maybe she could only ask about it Five because they kept it a secret. She knew from the way they kissed that it was new even for Five. He might have been bolder than her and more confident, but with how gentle he was something inside her told her they didn't use to kiss. Sharing a bed, well sleeping next to each other, however, was a different story.

'He would probably come to pick you up himself,' said Luther suddenly before he sighed, 'But I asked him to go get Allison instead.'

She frowned confused wishing she remembered what was the situation between the two before she asked, 'Did you and she have a falling out?'

'No, no, not at all. She's married and happy, and it's great. Really great,' he replied the last part sounded more like a whisper, and even if Vanya knew him for only three days, she knew right away that he was laying.

'Okay, well, that's good,' she tried carefully not sure how to talk to Luther about such things. Gosh, she hated so damn much that she couldn't remember a single thing from her past.

'Great,' he said with a nod, and she couldn't help herself but say, 'We don't have to say it's great if it's not. Do you want to talk about it?'

He chuckled a bit probably recognizing the awkwardness of the situation and shook his head, 'No, not really. It's not something I can or want to get into. It just…it won't change anything. It's fine. I'm glad she's alright, and alive and here, and right now we needed to figure out the apocalypse and everything and get back home or at least survive the next six days.'

She nodded telling herself she shouldn't pressure him if he didn't want to talk to about it, told herself it wasn't her business anyway.

'For what its worth, I'm sorry things aren't working out the way you would hope. But I like to think it will get better,' she said and meant it even if she couldn't remember her brother and barely knew him, she still cared. It was probably something instinctive inside her telling her to, or maybe she wasn't an as shitty person as she thought she was. But she really cared for Luther and his happiness. Strange, maybe she shouldn't be so surprised how quickly she developed feelings for Five if almost right away her heart seemed to remember and love her siblings as well.

Luther looked over at her with honest gratitude, 'Thanks, Vanya. I like to think that as well.'

They shared a quick smile and continued the drive listening to the radio with occasional small talk. It felt good less tense than last time. They arrived at the apartment of their _friend_ Elliot where she was greeted with a knife thrown to the door behind her.

'Knock it off,' said Luther almost exhausted and walked pass her to another room while Vanya wondered if she should return the knife to the sulky looking man who threw it or not.

Eventually, she followed Luther and sat down on the couch where the throwing knives man came to sit as well on a chair opposite from her.

She tried to remember what Five told her before and asked, 'Diego, brother with knives?'

He raised the knife and nodded before he started to throw it into the air and catch it looking at her suspiciously like he was waiting for her to do something dangerous. Between that and Luther being lost in thoughts, and the man, Eliot talking about the Jell-O, Vanya felt that the situation turned bizarre again.

She wondered if she could get away with not eating it as she recalled the events from yesterday and this morning with Sissy. She needed to figure out a way to get them out of the house. She clearly wasn't happy there, and she didn't even love Carl anymore. That much was obvious.

'How do you feel?' asked Luther all of a sudden as she laid across the back of the couch probably looking just as miserable as she felt with the whole situation.

'Pretty shitty,' she confessed and meant it. The conversation shifted a bit after that and Diego seemed to lose some of his initial hesitance or suspicious toward her before talking about some girl trouble.

Apparently, everyone in the family was dealing with love issues.

Before he could open up more, however, they heard a giggly voice from downstairs and the front door to the shop opening.

They all stood up and made their way to look at the new arrivals.

Of course, her gaze instantly met with Five's which caused her to pause for a moment just looking at him and feeling the rush of the emotions she started to feel since she met him run through her again as if they never separated in the first place. It was good he was standing so far away from her because she couldn't imagine staying cool and balanced if he was closer. How was he doing that? Was she really so taken back by him? She barely knew him. She couldn't remember a damn thing about him, and yet just seeing him even with all his arrogance and frustrating mind games made her feel a million times better and calm the anger she felt about Sissy's situation as well as the end of the world.

It didn't help, that his gaze seemed to have softened just by looking at her, and she almost wondered if he wouldn't jump to her in the next few moments.

Just looking at each other like this felt electric.

'I know this is impossible, but did we all get sexier?'

When she heard someone else speak, she quickly turned to look at the other two people. A tall very skinny man with long brown hair looking like he was in a band, _Klaus_ and a tall pretty woman with long black hair, _Allison_.

'Vanya,' said the woman, and the brunette felt a rush of affection and joy upon knowing she wasn't the only female in this large boys' club.

She smiled even if she tried not to and started to make her way downstairs as did the others reaching the rest of their family. She felt Five looking at her but remained with her eyes on Allison to avoid anyone noticing she was put off or blushing because of the man. If Luther didn't seem to know about anything between them maybe the others didn't either, and she didn't want to reveal any secrets her pre-amnesia self might have had.

'I missed you,' said Allison, and Vanya raised her hands for a moment joking, 'Thank God someone did.'

They stared at one another a bit hesitantly for a moment before they both stepped closer and embraced in a warm hug. That was when Vanya felt it again. It was the same as when she was talking to Five the day before or decided to follow him around. It was like even if her mind didn't remember her gut knew she could trust him. The same was with Allison now. She didn't remember her or how were things between them, but the moment they hugged, she felt calm and warm recognizing her as someone important in her life, a friend, a sister, a close person to her heart. It wasn't as intense and heated as with Five although Vanya knew it felt like that because her relationship with the handsome dark-haired man wasn't totally sibling-like. No this was much gentler and more filled with care.

Then all of a sudden she felt another pair of arms reach out and hug the two of them while Allison mumbled something annoyed. The wasn't as gentle as when she hugged her, but Vanya still felt happy about the hug mumbling into the man's shoulder, 'Hi.'

'Hey, Vanya,' said Klaus and leaned away just as they let go looking at each other. He didn't look as hostile as Diego did at first, or scared and angry as Luther. He looked a bit amused and drunk but all in all, made Vanya feel good that he was there.

She was glad she was there as well looking at the two and then the rest of her siblings, her family, and genuinely feeling it. This really was her family. All of them, she could feel they were close to her heart memories or not.

It made her smile, and when her eyes reached Five's again, the man looked surprised before even if for a second she caught him almost smile as well the way he only did when he found her in the cornfield. Since then he usually smirked or grinned at her, so she knew he must have either forgotten himself or was really _happy_ as well. She could tell it was a real smile by the calm look in his eyes before he glanced at Klaus and asked him about Ben.

They went upstairs chatting a bit and looking at each other.

She went to sit back on her couch while they started talking about the apocalypse and what they found out trying to figure out what could be the reason behind the end of the world again. She didn't remember anything about the first time, just what she was told by Five and Luther, but she tried to contribute somehow and return the focus back to why they were there every time the conversation shift mainly due to Klaus and Diego. Five seemed to appreciate it the most as he shot her a grateful nod or glance many times.

Vanya knew there were many things, she didn't know about her past, but what she noticed was that dad was a sore subject that caused many outbursts and conflicted feelings. It was obvious he hurt them all, and yet more than a few of them still seemed like they needed his approval or acknowledgment even if he wouldn't even know who they were in 1963. She wondered if she was like that as well. Needy, and desperate for the approval of a man who caused them nothing but feelings of loneliness, uselessness, and not being worthy.

When they started to argue, and Vanya had a feeling fights were the usual resolutions of their discussion, it was Five who shut them up.

'Guys, you all die,' he said not even shouting yet his words carrying a certain _regret_ and _weakness_ that must have been so unlike him it surprised the others as well, not just her to shut up and listen to what he was saying.

'I was there,' he said and glanced around the room pausing at her the longest, or maybe it was just her imagination before he continued, 'I saw it. Russian nuclear bombs destroyed the world, with all of you in it,' he spoke revealing even more emotions across his face which caused a sudden urge inside Vanya to walk over to him and touch him somehow, comfort him. He shouldn't look like this. This upset and emotional. She couldn't explain why, but it caused a physical pain inside her chest to see him like this, almost broken.

She dug her fingers into her palms tightly to stop herself from actually walking toward him as he continued, 'In a war that never happened till we brought it here. And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you need to shut up and just listen to me.'

He looked around the room again, 'I don't know if the things we experience here are all connected. I don't know if there is a reason for everything, but dad will. We need to talk to him before everyone and everything is dead.'

There was a momentary silence after he stopped speaking, and Vanya wondered if they reached an agreement before Luther all of the sudden stood up, 'Okay, I'm out.'

'Did you even hear me?' asked Five, but it seemed Luther had enough with their dad and didn't want him involved which made Vanya feel once again frustrated that she didn't know the whole story behind what happened with their dad.

Diego and Five tried to argue with Luther and stop him while she, Allison, and Klaus remained behind waiting, Eliot probably heading out to give them privacy before the meeting even started. They waited for a bit before Klaus got bored and convinced them to go for tacos.

On the way out, she couldn't help but ask if this was the usual routine during family meetings only for Klaus to snicker, 'Well, there are usually more fistfights involved, but yeah, close enough.'

Vanya followed them just how much dysfunctional her family really was.

* * *

After tacos (she couldn't believe it wasn't more bizarre that they went for tacos while dealing with the end of the world), they ended up in the beauty salon Allison worked in finishing some of the booze Klaus brought with him. She was never much of a drinker but with everything that happened in the last few days and was still happening, she figured she needed some more than ever.

Klaus decided he wanted Allison to do his hair, and she did so while complaining about her husband as if no time at all passed between them.

Vanya took a seat opposite from them watching the exchange. So this was her family. Sort of. It was pretty messed up, but if she was honest with herself even that felt oddly calming and nice. She always wanted a family, she wanted to remember her family, and despite the madness and fear from before, she felt much happier now sitting with them here, than at the farm. Maybe it was just because of what happened with Sissy and Carl in the morning, but still. She was glad she was there and that they found her.

Sighing, she took another sip and grimaced at the bitter taste she couldn't get used to, at least it did a good job in numbing her down and causing a buzz inside her mind. It felt good.

'So the world really ends in six days?' she asked cutting off Allison's rambling about Ray.

The woman sighed, 'Well, it did last time, and we did everything Five could think off to stop it.'

'Hey, hey,' said Klaus and rushed away from the chair causing Allison to groan and Vanya to chuckle amused, 'Isn't it like super weird how _hot_ Five got?'

'Aw,' let out Allison, and Vanya made sure to look away when he turned to look at her, 'What?'

Klaus quickly turned his attention back to the other sister with kissing noises, 'Oh please, Ms. Luther my _lover_ -'

'We have never even kissed,' Allison cut him off quickly.

'Yeah, but you guys were making little sick moondog eyes at each other all through puberty and breakfasts,' he said and took a sip from his flask.

Vanya blinked at that carefully listening. She already knew something was up between Luther and Allison from the car ride, but she didn't think they were so open about it being there. It made her wonder.

Hoping she wasn't too obvious, she asked looking from one to another, 'Aren't we all like brothers and sisters?'

Allison took a sip as well while Klaus shot her a wolfish smirk, 'With all the pros and cons, my dear. Why asking for a _friend_?'

She shrugged her shoulders doing her best not to blush or give anything away. It was an innocent question, right? Klaus couldn't have guessed anything, right? Luther didn't, and she didn't notice anyone looking between her and Five during the meeting before.

Allison sighed, 'Well, technically-'

'Technically if you have to use the word technically, you're already in trouble,' cut her off Klaus and giggled before looking back at Vanya who smiled as well. Anything to avoid suspicion or getting caught.

'Okay, can we focus? Clearly, we're not saving the world tonight, but maybe- maybe we can save my marriage?' asked Allison trying to end the Luther and siblings discussion.

'No,' said Klaus and reaching for the bottle to fill his flask shaking his head looking comical with everything he did, 'No, because that's like asking a nun to hump his leg.'

Vanya chuckled, 'What?'

'Who in this family even knows about relationships?' he asked, and pointed at Vanya, 'This one who turned down her farm frau-'

Vanya knew she was blushing now as she said annoyed, 'Her name is Sissy, and I told you that in confidence-'

'Which is an improvement on her previous love interest the serious killer,' he said, and Vanya completely forgot about Sissy or Five as her eyes widened in shock from the new information 'WHAT?'

'Later,' said Allison casually leaving Vanya with an opened mouth. _Later? Later?!_ A serial killer boyfriend was a discussion for _later_? Just how messed up her life before the amnesia was? Did she even want her memories back?

_Jesus_

Klaus carried on with his rambling talking about his dead soldier boy who wasn't dead yet before he said, 'I mean face it the healthiest long term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin and even that was only because she looked just like,' he turned back to Vanya and her heart skipped a beat and cheeks warm-up for something else than alcohol before he finished, 'du, meine dame.'

She closed her mouth and tried to look away only to see the knowing look on Allison's face. Maybe it wasn't a secret, and Luther was just dense.

_Crap_

Was she too obvious? She felt she was too obvious. Maybe she should stop drinking now, and just remain silent for the rest of the day. That way she wouldn't give anything away, right?

However, she looked from one sibling to another figuring this was her only chance to talk about it with someone other than Five. Did she want to talk about it?

'Alright, then what's the deal with me and Five?' she asked blaming the alcohol for the bluntness. Never mind, she was already talking about it.

The two other people in the salon shared a look reminding her predators before they would attack their prey, 'Deal between _you_ and _Fiiive?_ '

'Oh, come on,' she said annoyed by their mocking before Allison said, 'What, something happened?'

'Please, grandpa finally got his pubes back of course something happened,' said Klaus and grinned at the annoyed look Allison shot him while Vanya tried not to blush or something stupider.

'Gross, Klaus.'

He waved his hand and turned to her, 'But tell me, what is the deal? Did you show him-'

'Klaus!'

'You're no fun and a hypocrite, Allison.'

She rolled her eyes, but when she looked back at Vanya, she smiled with sister love, she felt before when they hugged, 'You were close as kids, _very close_ , just quieter about it than me and Luther. But something was there. It was soft for everyone who looked from the outside, but I think for the two of you who were on the inside it was incredibly loud. Then he disappeared and came back and you both changed, and he ran around dealing with the apocalypse like he does now, but I guess it was different when he was still wearing his pre-teenager shorts.'

Vanya chuckled easing a bit up by the joke although wondering once again about what her and Five were like as children, 'I don't know. Nothing happened,' she said and shot Klaus a look which he repaid with an eye roll and yawn, ' _Boring_.'

'We just kissed and whenever…whenever we're alone, it's…charged like with electricity,' she said and looked away not capable to see their reactions and speak of such things. She couldn't even explain it really alcohol or not. It was something someone had to feel to understand properly.

She tried to imagine what Allison told her and what she remembered of her dreams this from one and the previous night. It sounded nice, like a cute first crush, but when he left…when he left, she could imagine she was devastated, heartbroken even. Why did he leave?

'Do you want to do something about it?' asked Klaus, 'Because with how hung up he is on you, he would give in the moment you would snap your fingers like this,' he tried to snap his fingers but failed causing both her and Allison to chuckle at him.

She shook her head, 'I don't know. I don't…everything is too messy and complicated right now, and I don't know if I have the strength or sober enough mind to deal with it. Right now, I just want to take a step back and let everything play out for a bit just clear my mind and whatnot.'

She was partly afraid they would try to pressure her into talking some more when she honestly didn't know what else to say, but a song came on that Allison claimed she was in love with, and Klaus pulled her up to dance with them. It was good. It was so damn good and feeing to just dance in the middle of that beauty salon along with Allison and Klaus and not deal with anything for a few hours. It was probably very irresponsible and selfish again, but Vanya felt better than she had in a while just to let everything go and move around wondering if they used to dance like this when they were kids as well.

Afterward, she decided to go tell Sissy that she and Harlan should leave and that she would help them any way she could. She was a goddamn superhero with powers and everything. She could be invincible _damnit_. Of course, she could help a good woman and her son find a happy life.

They parted with Allison first and just before she would part with Klaus too, he pulled her into another hug and asked, 'Admit that Five got hot. Admit it.'

She giggled definitely still buzzed and maybe even tipsy, 'Can't. Don't know how he looked like as a kid.' It wasn't entirely true. She dreamed of him. The face was a bit blurry, but she remembered the firm jaw, green eyes and that smirk which upset her so much not always in a bad way.

'Party pooper,' said Klaus and let her go with a smile.

Before she got on the bus to get to the farm however, she did call after her brother, 'But now he's ridiculously handsome.'

'Ha! I knew it!' she heard him call back before she was inside grinning like an idiot.

* * *

'Sissy,' she said as she came into the kitchen still smiling and high on the feelings of joy and bliss caused by a day spent with Allison and Klaus. It was like a healing cream on the soul causing all her doubts and worries to fade away. Well with more than a little help from all the alcohol they consumed.

'Vanya,' said the woman putting a hand over her chest as she stood by the sink in her nightgown, 'Don't scare me like that. Where have you been?'

'Family reunion,' she said waving her hand.

She stepped closer shaking her head, 'Sorry, listen, you need to leave. You and Harlan need to pack your things to take the money you have been saving and leave. Go, far away from here, from the farm, from Carl.'

The blonde frowned, 'What? What are you talking about?'

Vanya took her hand looking at her feeling brave and determined for the both of them, 'You're not happy here. You need to go, away, and find your happiness somewhere out of the box, out of the farm and away from Carl. You and Harlan can be happy, write your own story. Life…life is too short, you can have years, or days or hours, and you shouldn't have to live with regrets and-'

'Sissy,' she heard Carl behind them as he came to the fridge in just his boxers, 'What happened to the beer, girl?'

Sissy pulled her hand away, and Carl glanced at Vanya chuckling, 'Oh shit, you caught me naked.'

When he opened the fridge, Vanya turned around spotting the two empty glasses and a bottle left on the table.

'It's alright. It was bound to happen sooner or later,' continued Carl, and she felt her stomach sink as she realized they had sex, 'You're part of the family.'

Carl took a sip of his beer looking at her as if he wanted to make her uncomfortable or maybe just see her reaction. Could he know that Sissy was interested in her before? Could he know she liked women too?

He slapped the blonde's ass and told her not to stay long before walking away.

Vanya waited until she was sure his footsteps were gone before she whispered, 'You slept with him?'

'He's still my husband,' said Sissy without looking at her probably ashamed knowing after everything she said yesterday, she acted like a hypocrite.

Vanya shook her head, 'But you don't love him. I see you. He makes you miserable.'

'Who gets to be happy all the time?' asked Sissy bitterly, Vanya felt a wave of anger upon hearing that almost shouting with how loudly she whispered, 'Everyone. Everyone can!'

Sissy shot her a look, which made her even more upset. She told her last night and today how unhappy she was, and Vanya knew it was true, and she had a chance to change it. They could leave. Sissy saved some money, she could take her son and go anywhere far away from him, so why didn't she? Why was she fighting her on this?

'We were talking about leaving. I told you I will help you, money, car, whatever you and Harlan need, I will help you get away from him,' she whispered upset to the woman. She could leave and be happy, why was she like this?

'Vanya, that wasn't real. That was just morning pillow talk. Fantasies and lies we tell each other to get by through the damn day,' said Sissy with an ice-cold voice that broke Vanya's heart a bit for the woman.

They looked at one another, and Vanya couldn't believe the woman she grew to admire so much could be such a damn coward about her own happiness. She wanted to leave, she said so herself. She wanted a better, happier life for her and Carl, so why was she being like this when all Vanya wanted to do was to help her.

Sissy shook her head and went to leave before she paused and turned back around to her, 'You know Vanya, maybe when you can remember what your real life was like you will feel less incline to tell people how to live theirs.'

That felt like a slap, but Vanya still tried to hold her grown, 'We're running out of time for you to be brave. You have six days to leave. Six days. You could be happy. You could live the life _you_ want for you and your son-'

'Vanya!' she hissed at her, ' _I can't!_ '

They watched each other for a moment, and Vanya wondered if she would cry again before all of the sudden a switch went off and she felt all that anger and sadness being pushed somewhere down into the deeper part of her chest.

'I should go,' she told Sissy and went for the door thinking about what Klaus told her about suppressing all her emotions inside until they would burst out ending everything around her. If that was true, she didn't want to be near the farm if she exploded.

She heard Sissy try to call out after her, but once she was out of the door the woman didn't follow her.

* * *

Vanya wondered if she would be able to walk toward the city on foot. She didn't want to take Sissy's car again, and she definitely couldn't stay on the farm after their fight. The cool night air was nice and helped her calm down a bit, but even walking she was getting cold. It was November after all.

At first, she passed the nearest phone booth. It was late, and who would she call? The only number she somewhat remembered was Sissy's, and she was the last person she wanted to talk to right now. Well, maybe not. Carl was probably the last person she wanted to talk to as she still felt disgusted by it all.

As she lowered her fingers into her pockets she felt the familiar texture of the piece of paper, she received earlier from Luther with the phone number to the apartment he and Diego were staying in.

With a sigh, she turned and walked back to the phone booth pulling the paper out of her pocket.

She dialed the number and waited.

'Hello?' asked the voice on the other end. She wasn't all that familiar with her other siblings yet, but she was almost sure it was Eliot, the man who was giving them home.

'Hi, it's Vanya from the other day. Is Five or…anyone there?' she asked and heard the man lean away and say something before she thought she heard _she sounds upset_.

'What's wrong? Where are you? Are you alright?' came the three quick questions from the commanding voice, she grew so fond over the course of the last few days.

With a sigh, she pressed her forehead against the glass wall. It almost got her to smile as she heard his concerned and firm voice.

'Vanya, talk to me,' he said sounding almost pleading, and she had this oddest urge to do so. To just _talk_ to him, and tell him _everything_ not just about Sissy, Harlan, or Carl but about literally everything that was on her mind regarding the apocalypse or not.

'Can you come pick me up?' she asked already knowing he would because he was Five and she might not remember him or like him sometimes while other times she couldn't stop the sensations and feelings inside her while thinking about him, but one thing was for sure, despite his methods she could count on him. She could trust him.

* * *

Five definitely broke a few speeding laws with how fast he suddenly appeared by the phone booth in a long blue car.

He didn't say anything as she walked into the car, and she was grateful for him just being there also so much she could kiss him realizing this was the first time they were alone since yesterday, 'Thanks.'

His gaze was confused before he shook his head and started the car, 'You never have to thank me for this.'

She smiled a bit fighting the urge to reach out and touch his face all the stress and anger from before melting away just by looking at him and knowing he was there with her. Once again, it was like they were alone, the only two people around, and the apocalypse, Sissy and Harlan, amnesia far far away from them. She wondered if they could be like this forever. Just the two of them driving in the night in a car. She had a feeling, she could even be happy like this.

When she finally decided to look away out of the window was when Five first spoke, 'So you and her-'

She knew right away he meant Sissy and wondered how much he thought he knew about them. The frustration about their fight returning to Vanya, 'Not that it's any of your business, _brother_ _or not_ , but we're just friends,' she told him and after a moment glanced his way admitting, 'I don't think it would have worked out anyway.'

He visibly relaxed, and before he spoke, Vanya thought he would say something nice with the way his face softened but alas his next words reminded her of how much of a jerk he could be, 'It's for the best. We're trying to get home. We can't afford distractions or for these people to get in our way.'

She glared at him at that, but he ignored her and kept his eyes on the road.

'You're such a jerk sometimes, you know that?'

He didn't even look offended, not that it surprised her, 'I am whatever I need to be to get us back where we belong and stop the apocalypse. Nothing else matters.'

She turned fully toward him at that and looked at him carefully, 'Really?'

His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. She wondered if she was finally getting on his nerves, 'Nothing?' _No one?_

'Nothing,' he said and briefly looked at her. Once again, his face looked the same as it did in the diner during that first day, he found her. Like he told himself this _a lot_ and _almost_ believed it. Vanya didn't though.

And for some reason, she found it impossible to stop and not try to push him even more, 'Then why not kill me?'

She could see he was upset now. His jaw was set firmly, and his lips were pressed into a tight smile no doubt holding back on telling her something nasty.

'I caused the apocalypse before. Why not eliminate me? If nothing is as important as stopping the apocalypse-'

The way he hit the brakes almost caused her to hit her head against the front desk.

'You, asshole!' she snapped at him once the shock washed over that he almost had her hit the desk before she realized his hand was over her chest protecting her from the hit.

She blinked surprised and glanced back at him.

His look spoke volume, his words couldn't, and Vanya could read him clearer than ever realizing just how much she had to mean to him. Amnesia or not. A small part of her was terrified by such intensity of feelings, she couldn't remember ever caring for someone that _much_ almost to the point it became physically painful not to be with them. But the rest of her was _thrilled_ with anticipation and joy that someone, Five, cared for her _that damn much_. A lunatic who had no problem scheming and hurting people just to stop the actual doomsday would rather think up a shitty plan just so he wouldn't have to sacrifice her in the process. She knew it was insane to like it, to feel overjoyed, and pleased about something like that, but she couldn't help herself.

It was electrifying, and looking at him Vanya wanted nothing more than to kiss him and surrender to the madness.

Five seemed to pick up on that since his hand faded away, and he leaned closer to her. She met him halfway already pushing her hand against the side of his neck, but before they could reach one another the sound of a car horn caused them to jump back to their seats startled.

'Shit,' cursed Five and started the car again much to Vanya's disappointment and embarrassment.

* * *

Five led her out of the car and toward the stairs of Eliot's apartment. She wondered what did the man think about opening his home to six strangers with powers who claimed there was an end of the world in less than six days but didn't have the energy to ask right now.

The apartment was quiet, and since she had no idea what time it was she figured everyone, who stayed here went to sleep already.

She assumed Five would take her to the living room or maybe downstairs, but instead they ended up in the kitchen where he turned on a small light, 'We need to be quiet. Diego is a pain in the ass if he doesn't get his eight-hour beauty sleep.'

She chuckled covering it with her palm as she sat down.

Five looked a bit more relaxed now as she walked around the kitchen picking things up and settling them on the table in front of her. It was calming to watch him do something so ordinary and domestic. She felt better again, 'What are you making?'

'Peanut butter sandwich with marshmallows,' he replied, and she found herself chuckling again wondering if he was pulling her leg, 'What?'

'It's good,' he defended his choice of snack before he shot her a brief glance, 'Trust me, Vanya.'

She had a feeling with _this_ she really could trust him and maybe even in the other things if he wasn't so damn complicated and secretive.

He made one for each and then grabbed her a glass of water as she took a bite, 'Oh my God, it's so _sweet_. How can you eat this?' It wasn't bad, but the high amount of sugar seemed unreasonable for an adult.

'That's the best part,' he commented and started to eat his own sandwich, 'We used to make these all the time when we were kids.'

She blinked at him surprised by the new information she carefully tugged away into the file of the little things she found out about them in the past three days, 'Yeah? How did we not end up fat or with diabetes?'

'Well, I needed a lot of sugar for energy, and you probably stopped eating them after I left,' he explained and continued chewing casually. They kept their voices lowered keeping in mind that the others were asleep somewhere in the dark apartment.

'Still,' he said a bit lost in thoughts now, 'You did continue to make one them for me in case I would come back. I never thanked you for that by the way,' he looked at her his eyes showing gratitude and the softness he only seemed to allow himself to reveal if they were alone, 'For carrying the hope that I would come back.'

She smiled a bit at that and offered a nod since she couldn't fully express what it meant for her that he was grateful without the memory of doing all that for him.

'Yeah, the others mentioned you left, where did you go?' she asked and frowned as she noticed the hurt expression cross his features the soften gone replaced with a distant look revealing years of pain and experience he rather not have gained.

'Sorry.'

He shook his head, 'No, it's… It was the first time I tried to time travel,' he explained slowly looking away, 'It didn't end up so well for me. I ended up in 2019 a day after the apocalypse was over, all alone. Everyone was…dead and everything was ruined.'

She stopped eating instantly realizing what he said, 'The apocalypse that I caused…'

Chills ran down her spine as guilt entered her heart and burned out the last of the alcohol in her system leaving her sober and comprehensive of what she did. She caused the apocalypse. She caused that he was alone in the world after the apocalypse. She felt terrible again knowing this and dreading the day she would remember the full extent of what she had done.

'I'm so sorry,' she said meaning it even if she couldn't fully remember the pain, she must have caused him and accept the guilt as much as she should, as much as she deserved for her actions. She was scared to know, but at the same time found it incredibly unfair that she got a free pass in the guilt department with amnesia.

He shook his head letting go of his sandwich. For a moment, she thought he would reach out for her hand, but at the last minute he stopped as if he realized it wasn't his place and awkwardly pulled his hand back, 'It wasn't your fault. You lost control because of what dad did, of what we did. You were angry and hurt. I know better than anyone what it feels like when rage clouds the judgment. You fucked up, but I can't hold it against you, and I won't. You shouldn't either.'

She watched him carefully knowing that he wasn't lying in this either, even if it brought her no relief of her guilt, 'How long were you there?'

He was quiet for a moment, as his eyes moved over her face slowly, his face eased up to a much delicate look now the same way it did in the diner, and the car which assured her that whatever she felt toward him wasn't one-sided, 'Long enough.'

She shook her head quickly, 'Don't do that. Don't push me away or try to make me feel better with lies, just…just tell me the truth. Tell me everything,' she told him firmly with determination. She needed answers, not lies, and comforting half-truths. If she was supposed to do this, with him, with her family, with the approaching doomsday. She needed honest answers from him.

He sighed looking conflicted again, and she was sure he would deny her and try to cover it with a conversation about something else or maybe leaving, so she reached her own hand toward his and took it feeling the warm and the soft skin of his knuckles and long fingers she tried desperately not to stare too obviously before when she first noticed them, 'You asked me if you could count on me to come when you need me,' she said referring to the last thing he told her before she drove away from him the day before, 'If I'm supposed to do that I need to trust you.'

His eyes revealed the vulnerability he must have felt similar to her own. It was scary. It was scary to feel so much for one person and want more for them without asking. Vanya never would have imagined she would feel like this, and given what a control freak Five was it must have been even more terrifying for him.

'Make me trust you, Five,' she said and knew she had him when she said his name. He seemed to have a sensitive spot whenever she said his name out loud, or maybe he had a sensitive spot for everything she did. She didn't know, but she had a feeling she did as well.

His eyes shifted away for a moment again as if to think clearly without looking at her but returned as she took another deep breath and much to her surprise actually started to talk, 'I time-traveled when I was thirteen and was stuck in the wasteland for about forty-five years before I got recruited to the time agency, Temps Commission,' he explained, and Vanya almost let his hand go in shock. _Forty-five years_. But that would mean. Klaus and the others mentioned he was an old man, but she thought they were referring to his grumpy attitude. He was in the wasteland for forty-five years. In hell, she created for him when she ended the world. He was all alone for so long because of her.

He turned his palm up and squeezed her fingers tightly to bring her back from her horrifying thoughts and remind her that he was there for her too, 'When I ran away from them, I got back to 2019 days before the apocalypse accidentally de-aging my body back to thirteen since it was the age I first time traveled. I tried and failed _brutally_ to stop the apocalypse from happening, to stop my old organization from orchestrating the events which caused you to lose control,' he frowned, 'I was an idiot. All along, you were the key, the bomb, and I foolishly spent almost eight days running around trying to figure it out.'

She could feel how much he was angry at himself, blaming himself for it like it was only his fault. It didn't sit right with her, that he thought so. He wasn't to blame. She could tell he was someone who would rarely admit blame, but once he did he wouldn't let it go no matter what. It wasn't his fault. How could it be? She was the… _the bomb_ after all.

She leaned forward with her free hand and press it again his cheek instantly feeling the spark from yesterday morning in the car jump between them again.

With the sensations returning to her, Vanya needed a moment to tell him what she wanted in the first place feeling once again how easy it would be to give in, kiss him and get lost in all of it, 'Allison said you did everything you could think up to stop it. Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault,' she offered him a small condolence smile, 'You can't tell me not to blame myself while you do the same. I won't let you.'

He sighed revealing for the first time since she met him just how _tired_ he really was, and in the exhaustion that his eyes showed her, she could almost see the fifty-eight-year-old man, he claimed to be tired of life and fighting in a war that never seemed to end. Always running, always out of time, always trying to save everyone, always paranoid, always stressed, always alone even when he wasn't, always exhausted to the point that if he allowed himself just once to properly rest he would sleep for days. Vanya could see it all, now with her thumb softly stroking his cheek, she could read him like an open book, better than ever, better than anyone.

They used to be close, very close, Allison said so, so did Luther and Klaus, and she could see it now, feel it in the way how she could make him relax just by being close to him, the same way his presence seemed to relax her as well if he wasn't being a jerk.

Five closed his eyes and for a moment leaned against her cheek as if stealing her warmth. She didn't mind. She would gladly give him all the warmth he needed without asking. She would give him everything he wanted without having to ask, all of her, all she could, she would let him have it.

It was scary to think like this, to feel like this, and yet she couldn't help but know it was the truth, and she couldn't play denial with herself.

A moment passed before his green eyes opened again looking at her. The exhaustion was still there somewhere in the corners, but she could also see the same conflicted feelings she felt inside _want_ , _passion, affection_ , _fear_. His eyes were like a mirror to her soul and the chaos inside her. She wondered if he was in denial too, or if he also had given up and just tried to deal with it while he dealt with the apocalypse.

Ultimately, he let her hand go, and she leaned away as they reached for their forgotten sandwiches, 'Thanks, Vanya.'

She smiled to herself but didn't look up again taking another bite instead, 'I don't think I liked this very much.'

He chuckled softly, and when she did look up there were another one of his smirks that almost looked like a sharp smile playing over his lips, 'Yeah, I always suspected you only made them so we would talk a bit longer.'

'I can imagine doing that, yeah,' she nodded, and they continued to eat until they finished, and Five put the dishes into the sink not looking like he intended to deal with them tonight.

He then led her to the couch where he already had a blanket for her. She wondered where would he sleep but wasn't sure how to ask or if she really wanted to know. The apartment had only one bedroom that she noticed and if both Eliot and Diego were there, and she took the couch, Five would have to sleep in the car again.

Despite the late hours, she didn't feel as tired as before and simply pressed her back against the couch, 'What happened on the farm? Did you and your friend have a fight?'

Vanya sighed and closed her eyes. She didn't hear footsteps so he must have been waiting for her answer. She waited another moment before she spoke, 'Yeah. She's not happy in her life, and I tried to convince her to leave, but she said she couldn't and…I don't know maybe I overstepped, but I just can't watch her live like that. She's my friend, and she did so much for me, and she doesn't love her husband and- shit.'

The spot next to her shifted, and she knew he sat down there probably looking at her with those hypnotizing green eyes.

She turned her head toward him but kept her eyes closed as if she was facing the Medusa from Greek Mythology. It was almost easier to talk to him like this knowing she could have some control over her feelings.

'It's okay. You always wanted to help people.'

When he spoke, she was surprised by how close he was and felt her heartbeat increase while her eyes stayed closed.

She tried to return to the conversation, 'Yeah, too bad they don't always want my help.'

'Maybe they just don't know how to ask for it or accept it. It's hard when you thought you would never have it and when you feel that accepting it would be unfair given the bigger picture,' he said, and she opened her eyes knowing he wasn't just talking about people accepting help.

He was really close, their shoulders almost touching, his breath tickling the tip of her nose, 'I think that's just people not thinking they deserve it. Fearing they shouldn't accept it because of their duties or the _bigger picture_ even if everything inside them is urging them to take it, embrace it, accept it.'

They watched each other in silence for a moment before she licked her lips and looked down catching the dark ink on his wrist.

She reached out without a second thought and reveal his Umbrella Academy tattoo she dreamed of last night when he came to her dreams as a thirteen-year-old boy. If he really de-ages the first time, it would mean not all of her dreams were from their childhood, some could have been from before the apocalypse in 2019.

She raised her brows running her index finger across the pattern of the tattoo wondering if she had ever done it before, 'I spoke with Luther and Diego today. I guess you lied a bit about the part of me being a member of the Academy as well.'

He frowned and shot a glare to the direction of the bedroom before he sighed again, 'I didn't lie.'

She continued to hold his wrist as she brought her own left hand toward her mouth pulling down the sleeve with her teeth to reveal her empty skin, 'No tattoo.'

He rolled his eyes and jumped away from her, disappearing from the room entirely before he was back at the couch forcing her to gasp surprised. She would need time to get used to how he could appear and disappear so carelessly and suddenly into the air.

He was holding out a black marker he must have took from Eliot's desk and took a hold of her left wrist caging the back of it inside his palm between his fingers.

'A tattoo doesn't make you a member of the Academy,' he started to draw the tip of the marker ticking her skin as he moved it, 'Not even powers do,' he was a pretty decent artist, she noticed, 'Will to help and change something does.'

He finished, and she had to admit, in the timid light and if she didn't see him draw it, she would easily believe it was a real tattoo, 'And you always had plenty of that, Vanya.'

She stared at the Umbrella Academy symbol for a moment before she finally looked up at him seeing something in his eyes that wasn't there before, that didn't appear as a mirror to what she felt inside yet shook her even more than the lust or affection he revealed before. She saw adoration and pride kind of like she did when he saw what her powers did on the cornfield but far more intense she could feel it somehow moving from his eyes toward her heart making it bloom with a sensation a hundred times more powerful than ever before. She couldn't ever remember anyone looking at her like that even before the amnesia. She couldn't imagine anyone, but right here and now Five looking at her like that.

_And she didn't want to anyone else ever look at her like that but him_.

She reached for him ripping her hand from his hold to take his cheeks into her palms before her lips covered his. If he was surprised by the action it was only a moment because in the next one his hands were in her hair and on her back, and he was returning her kisses just as hungrily as she was careless to their surroundings everything which was holding them back before.

His lips and tongue were intoxicating more than all the alcohol she drank that evening, and she enjoyed every second of them against her own moving in the feverish dance to the sound of their hectic mixed breathing and wet delicious moans. No, she would never be able to love Sissy, when just kissing Five caused everything inside her to lighten up like a forest fire.

_She wanted to burn_.

Soon, her hands moved across his face toward his suit, and she started to push it down his shoulders not carrying where it fell.

She felt Five move his hand on her back lower as well, and before she knew it, she ended up on her back on the couch with him on top of her causing her to feel even more out of control than before. His weight was new, but she loved the feeling of him against her like this, digging her hands into his back wanting to rip holes into the shirt to get to his skin there before she moved them lower toward his butt.

She stopped thinking about anything focusing just on the feeling of his hands and lips wanting to bring him closer and closer. She wasn't sure if she wanted them to merge into one being, but she knew she wouldn't be satisfied until Five was as close to her as possible.

When her lungs couldn't take it anymore, Five seemed to sense it and broke the kiss only to move to her neck.

She bit her lips hard enough to cause them to bleed just to contain her noises as she found out instantly, that her throat was a terribly _terribly_ sensitive place.

He seemed to realize, it as well since at one point she felt his lips form a smile before they lightly bite her forcing her head to fall backward against the couch and her chest to raise against his.

It was then that they both heard the light sound of footsteps almost too quiet, but still loud enough in the silence of an apartment where everyone was supposed to be long asleep.

They both stopped and looked at each other breathing hard with their lips swollen red and eyes blownup with hunger as they heard someone open the fridge took a glass of milk at least by the sound of it.

Five brushed his hair, and Vanya moved her hands away from his butt back to his back both waiting without moving away from one another.

'Do you think he saw us?' whispered Vanya after a moment, but before Five could answer they heard Diego's filled with sleep voice say definitely louder than a whisper, 'Saw, but don't want to deal. Too tired.'

Five nodded as if saying _that's fair._

They waited until he was back in the bedroom before Five licked his lips, causing her once again to feel the heat, but ultimately move away from her much to her disappointment.

She absently brushed her hair as well although she was pretty sure it would be no use now.

They respectfully sit down next to each other on the couch trying to fix their clothing to look less like they just had a steamy makeout session.

'We should get some sleep,' she told him, and Five nodded shortly but didn't move, and neither did she.

Maybe it was due to the absurdity of it all and the craziness of the last few days, but she found herself silently chuckling and covering her mouth to avoid being too loud again and waking someone up.

She saw Five look at her but just shook her head as she couldn't seem to stop wondering if she lost it completely.

He leaned closer to her and asked quietly, 'Do you want to sleep in the car again?'

She nodded quickly and tried to get up only to find herself pulled into Five's lap and then outside on the street in a blink with her stomach doing a nasty flip not agreeing with such a rude and violent way of transportation.

'Jesus!'

'Just Five will do,' he replied and brushed her back as she took in a few deep breaths looking at him and wondering just how much did she have to already love him to be willing to put up with all of _that_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Hey, I hope you liked it. Being a huge Fivaya shipper aside, personally, I don't think Sissy is a bad character, and she could have made Vanya happy in simple farm life, but on the other hand, I think Umbrella Academy's story is a story about family, mainly the Hargreeves family and therefore she couldn't stay with her even if she wanted to, so I couldn't picture her of sticking around for more than 1 season. Also, I know I wrote it will be 2-chaptered fic, but there was just so many things I wanted to put into this chapter I figured I expand it a bit. I'm just not cut out for giving away the number of chapters before I finish the story.


	3. Chapter 3

_They hate me now._

_I'm so sorry_

_Luther, please let me out!_

_Yay, sisters?_

_Allison, what are you doing here?_

_She doesn't get a vote._

_Diego, stop._

_Here, I will share one with you._

_Klaus, what happened to my room?_

_Sorry, I left without a goodbye._

_There are worse things that can happen._

_I think you're the only tolerable person in this entire nuthouse, how does that sound?_

_Five…_

_It's alright, just breathe, nausea passes._

_Thanks, Ben._

_Did you know?_

_You're my sister, and I love you_

_Do you even know what it's like to love someone so much it felt like you couldn't breath when you were without them?_

_I'm afraid there is nothing extraordinary about you, Number Seven._

_I heard a rumor that you were just-_

_Vanya? VANYA!_

_-ordinary._

Once again, Vanya woke up too early with the familiar feeling of calmness and laziness as before instantly knowing that the warm and comfy pillow under her cheek was Five's raising and falling chest.

Even if her mind was rushed with countless of images from her dreams, she felt calm knowing she was in his arms. It was easier to stay calm and strong like this maybe even pretend that the dreams were just that _dreams_. She couldn't remember the specific. But just as before with Luther and Five she dreamt of all of her siblings, even Ben who she didn't really meet in 1963 since he was dead.

Just as before, Vanya felt Five's hand this time on her back, drawing light circles there, something he must have liked doing when he was thinking with her in his arms. The sensation was so nice, Vanya chased all of the dreams away leaving her mind blank, clean of anything worrisome, or disturbing.

They were laying in the back of the car meant for luggage with Five's legs bent to the side so he would fit better. For once her shortness offered her relief as she fit easily with plenty of room for her legs to be spread them as she laid on her side. Due to how late it was last night with the streets even emptier than before, she didn't even question or try to argue when he commanded her inside just letting him off comment free for tonight. He earned it for taking the time to pick her up from the phone booth, and it was pretty late.

It reminded her once again of a lazy Sunday morning with nothing to do just to stay in bed a few more hours enjoying the rising sun and warmth of someone you love ns a perfect and good life. A part of her couldn't really imagine, someone like Five or anyone from her family to have a boring and uneventful life like that. But another part strangely, with Five, she didn't think a life like that would be boring, far from it actually.

She found herself smirking at the thought knowing even if they tried a calm life something would eventually cause shenanigans either their family or whoever was in charge of their fates. It was reassuring in its own weird way, and Vanya found sighing taking it in. She felt so much better every time she woke up next to Five in uncomfortable cars than she ever did on the farm maybe even before that in her own house. Her own house. Before she was constantly trying to think about her past and remember something useful. With Sissy's kindness, she wanted to be able to give her back more than helping out with Harlan. She also wanted to know what happened. Why wasn't anyone looking for her? Did something bad happen to her? At times, she scared herself enough to never want to leave Sissy, Harlan, and the farm, the only people and place she knew, but she was still curious. Then she met Luther, and she started to fear more than anything that could have happened that cost such a reaction. With Five's arrival, there was a whole new pile of horrible things such as apocalypse, trauma, and danger that spun around her mind and made her wonder about who she used to be and who were the people closest to her, but at the same time, there was _this_. This feeling. This warmth sometimes burning and sometimes just protecting her from the cold of not knowing her place in the world as a warm blanket. She…she wanted that warmth. She would risk having to learn and face more of those terrible and scary memories if only to feel also more of that warmth. She would do anything for more what she felt when she and Five were alone like this.

'Did you manage to catch some sleep?' she asked him softly due to the early hours even if no one was around it felt rude to be louder.

She wondered if they would _talk_ about it or not. It always seemed like they were interrupted or had to deal with something whenever it got heated. Once they did get interrupted, it was like they fell into some awkwardness or state of we will deal with it _later_ phase.

She knew he cared for her. She knew he had just as intense and conflicted feelings as she did. She thought he might even _love_ her. It could have been enough, and maybe before she lost her memories, it would have been for the Vanya she was then, but right now, she wanted more. She wanted assurance that this meant for him as much as for her and once all of this was over, and they successfully stopped the doomsday, they would have time and a moment for _themselves_.

She heard and felt him take in a deep breath and sigh thinking he was already returning to the awkwardness and distance they seemed to try and enforce when others were present or just after they gave in to their feelings a bit too roughly, but instead, his other hand stopped stroking her back and moved to the back of her head before planting what she assumed was a light kiss against the top of her head. It was so damn sweet it caused her heart to explode with a fondness for this man, the warmth inside her chest spreading all over her tiny body heating her up.

'A couple of minutes yes,' he said in a bit of gravelly voice.

'That's not very healthy,' she said with a soft smile already forming on her face knowing it was all good for now and that they were still in their bubble of showing affection for one another and not being weird about it afterward.

'Hm, neither is sleeping in the car, but here we are, _again_ ,' he replied, but it was also soft even if he could have saved himself a comment like that.

She snuggled a bit further into his chest, 'We could have taken the couch.' She made sure that he would hear _we_ at the beginning.

'And face Luther and Diego in the morning and their _comments_? I've rather ruin my back,' he replied snarly before he sighed once again falling to the laziness as he lowered his arm to her back and pushed her closer hugging her, 'Which I might as well have.'

'Do you want to get up already?' she asked closing her eyes listening to the sound of his heartbeat against her chest. It was steady. She hoped it meant he was calm as well, not that he found this dull.

He was quiet for a moment just holding her as the answer, and she would be perfectly fine with it, but alas he did decide to speak, 'No, I want to savor this a bit longer.'

She opened her eyes feeling a bit of panic creep into her heart wondering if by that he meant they wouldn't be able to have this in the future.

Vanya didn't know if she started to breathe differently or perhaps her own heartbeat gave her away, but Five's hold tightened as he quickly calmed her worries with his next words, 'Who knows when we will steal a moment alone again between tripping over those idiots. Once this is all over, I will get us into a room with a lock far away from them and throw away the key.'

She giggled imaging being held like a princess in a tower-like that. As cliché and ridiculous as it sounded if Five held her this nicely she could see herself get on board with it rather quickly, 'So you will hold me in captivation?'

'Yes,' he said firmly, but she could hear the smirk in his voice even if she couldn't see it, 'I will keep you there all to myself and no one would disturb us for hours and days and weeks.'

She bit her lip feeling the warmth inside her turn into something even hotter as she caressed the spot on his chest close to her face, 'And what will you do with me there?'

He was fast although, given the training he probably had back in the Academy, she shouldn't have been surprised. Still, as all of the sudden, she was on her back with him towering on top of her pressing her hands above her head and caging her legs with his own, she couldn't stop the surprising gaps that left her mouth.

His smirk was brilliant in the most seductive way, and Vanya knew for _sure_ memory loss or not she _never_ felt this aroused from someone's hot gaze.

He lowered his lips toward hers his eyes still keep hers locked, 'All the filthy things you can imagine-'

His kiss was delicate, but with how hot and bothered his words left her to feel, it sparked the heat inside her lower belly all the same.

'-and countless of those you _can't_ even imagine.'

_Well, when he put it like that-fuck it!_

She rose her head and chest to meet him again for a kiss this time not holding back immediately making sure he could feel and taste what his words did to her even on such early morning just after she felt all sweet and lazy from them just laying next to each other.

He didn't seem to protest too much as he let go of her hands in order to run them down her body over the jacket and sweater in painfully slow and teasing moves.

She grabbed his hair pulling it roughly to make sure he knew, she wasn't happy about it, but it only seemed to encourage him to go even slower and then linger by playing with the bottom of her sweater and beginning of her pants.

She groaned against the kiss almost biting him just to show him how much she wanted him to hurry up and touch her _more_.

When they broke the kiss the bastard was grinning at her with desire and amusement in his eyes, and she had half the mind to push him away just out of spite before his face softened visibly and he said shocking her, 'I love you.'

_Just like that…_

He said it like it was the simplest fact, that shouldn't even be questioned or glanced at. Just something someone could say in the passing. Not like it was the biggest declaration in his life or hers for that matter.

She was completely thrown off, and that was after her assumption that she knew him well enough that nothing ordinary he would say would ever do that.

'Oh,' she opened her mouth blinking at him probably looking ridiculous and like an idiot feeling her cheeks warm up and knowing she was as red a tomato, 'I-I-'

He leaned down and kissed her before she could say anything, this time once again making it tender and loving instead of heated. His lips were soft but firm like they kissed with a point.

When she opened her eyes, he had a calm expression the softness remaining in his eyes though as he _smiled_ , not smirked or grinned or anything she saw before, but once again all so rarely and calmly _smiled_ at her making her heart speed up more than it did when they were making out even if that wasn't possible.

'Take your time,' he said, and she knew he meant it, 'I can wait until you're sure and have your memories back-'

'I love you too,' she cut him off and rose to her elbows to be closer to him knowing she _had_ to tell him. She didn't want him to even for a second thing she didn't feel it, 'I don't need my memories back to know that. I can feel it. I know…I know in my heart or gut or whatever that I never felt…I never felt like this with anyone else.' The moment she said it, she knew it was the truth, not a comforting lie.

Five watched her face the smile still there before he pressed his palm against her cheek stroking it his eyes revealing some lost joy and happiness he probably didn't feel since he was a little boy all pure and innocent in a way only a child could experience it even if only for a moment. He must have believed her as he started to pull her closer, his arms moving around her back to embrace her.

She sat up and kissed him stroking the back of his neck and wishing they could remain like this forever. They didn't even have to do anything else just hold one another in each other's arms forever, and she would be the happiest person on earth.

When he broke the kiss, she licked her lips looking at him still stroking his hair and face not wanting to stop, 'After this is all over…'

She didn't finish the sentence. She didn't say what would they do when this was all over, but it seemed to have been enough for Five as he pressed his forehead against hers in the most loving way and nodded against it returning her promise, 'After this is all over.'

With a promise like that, Vanya felt in every corner of her heart and mind, and every cell of her body, she could take on the world and come on top victorious.

Her brown eyes stayed locked with his forest green ones, and she wondered if _hope_ tasted as delicious for Five as it had for her.

* * *

Eventually, they needed to get out of their bubble because people were starting to wake up and stare confused at the two people hugging in the car. But mainly because Vanya started to feel hungry, which was apparently something that triggered Five since he liked to take her out for food or make her food. She wondered if that was something he would continue to do, and found it cute. Also, the fact that he grumpily admitted he had no _protection_ on him for them to continue their activities while looking away almost embarrassed by the fact.

She couldn't help but laugh a bit earning what she assumed was his attempt of a _death glare_ , but unfortunately had zero effect on her when she knew he liked to cuddle and hug a lot like a grumpy killing tall teddy bear.

He was still an asshole though.

But she couldn't make too much fun of him when he hit Diego over the head as he tried to make what she assumed were intercourse noises after they stepped through the door. She supposed without Klaus around someone had to take the torch of embarrassing their siblings. Luckily she could hide her blush and her amused face behind Luther's enormous frame.

Elliot seemed to be the only one who didn't know what it was all about as he glanced from one sibling to another while they tried to navigate their breakfast in his kitchen.

She noticed the umbrella Five drew last night was already smudged in a few places which probably happened when she was asleep last night.

'Watch it!' said Diego trying to avoid getting punched by Luther's elbow as he spun around.

Luther rolled his eyes, 'Just move!'

'Why do you have to be so big?' asked Diego rhetorically.

' _Why do you have to be so big?_ ' repeated Luther with a childlike voice shoving his brother to the side leaving Vanya to chuckle while Five snatched the fork from Diego's hand that was ready to attack Luther's palm.

'Smart, wouldn't want anyone to get a fork stuck in their hand,' she commented and went to take a place in the food line before she noticed how all three stopped what they were doing and looked at her oddly.

She touched her chin as if she subconsciously thought something was there, 'What?'

Luther and Diego shared a look while Five's expression changed into an unreadable one as he said, 'That already happened when we were kids. Do you remember it?' he asked carefully his eyes observing her as if he started to wonder what she really remembered, but she shook her head, 'No, I just…I don't know it crossed my mind…maybe somewhere…deep down I do remember.'

She looked a bit away thinking about it, 'I have dreams. Of all of us, I guess. Pieces. I don't know how they fit but they're there.'

She looked at them and shrugged her shoulders, 'Sorry.'

'Honestly, at this point not remembering would have been a blessing,' said Luther and grabbed a piece of bread before heading toward the table while Diego offered her and shrug.

Five continued to look at her before he eventually nodded and while the others were occupied touched her shoulder gently with as if giving her some assurance and confidence that it would be alright. It did cross her mind if maybe he wasn't worried about all the things she would remember, but she let it go for now. No point in worrying about it when she couldn't even remember anything for real yet.

They split up a bit before heading to the meeting point for their meeting with their father. This time she ended up along with Five which she honestly preferred to the constant bickering of Luther and Diego. Allison and Klaus had yet to show up or give notice if they even would appear which annoyed Five even if he didn't say so in so many words. She could tell something was on his mind, but she wasn't sure if it was about dad.

'You nervous?' she asked him. She didn't remember the man while he didn't see him for forty-five years well minus the brief meeting before he ran away from him into his car.

Five lost in thoughts shot her a look like she insulted him, 'About the old man? Hardly.'

She didn't think that was entirely true, but she let it slide and tried some more, 'What about the whole apocalypse? If he doesn't believe us or doesn't know how to help us. What then?'

Five visibly tensed as if he remembered some unpleasant memory himself before he let out a sigh as if he was surrendering to something he didn't want to, 'Well, then I have another idea…but I rather avoid it more than a bullet into the leg.'

She studied his look recognizing that even if he didn't say so, whatever would be his plan B gave him the chills and went against everything he swore himself not to do to a point it created a visible dark shadow over his face and tremble through his body.

She decided to change the topic for now given that some moments passed without him trying to elaborate. He probably didn't want to talk about it yet hoping Reginald would help him get to the bottom of it all and stop the approaching doomsday.

'So do you think if I had my memories there would be something I would want to say to him?' she asked Five as they slowly stalked toward the building at such a slow pace it was a wonder they made it there at all almost on time.

The taller man glanced at her for a moment before he chuckled, 'Not sure what you would want to say, but I pretty sure a kick into the fibula would speak louder than any words.'

She grinned at that and brushed her hair a bit, 'It's weird. I'm not scared or nervous, but I do feel this pressure inside my chest like I'm waiting for I don't know this big reveal. Honestly, I think dad's the only one who I didn't see in my dreams so far.'

Five's smirk fell a bit as he took on a straighter look, 'These dreams. What exactly are they about?'

She shrugged her shoulders, 'I guess my memories. I don't know. They're like pieces of my whole life running around inside my head out of order each time I get to see someone from my past. First was Luther than you, last night everyone including a talking monkey butler and robot mom-I think. I don't know she reminded me too much of Sissy so maybe I was projecting her a bit. Not dad though,' she then stole a look at him out of the corner of her eyes seeing how he was deep in thoughts as she spoke, 'Also no crazy psycho serial killer boyfriend?'

Five's jaw visibly tensed, ' _Good_.' His face turned to her fully again, 'He shouldn't bother you any more than he already did.'

She nodded and took his hand for a moment, 'Allison said that the first time…well in 2019 you were running around trying to stop the apocalypse all the time and still didn't really _succeeded._ '

He looked away pulling a nasty grin which wasn't meant to joyful or humorless, 'Believe me, the irony that it was you all along is not lost to me.'

She squeezed his hand, 'What exactly happened? Well, apart from me getting manipulated by some guy, and apparently unleashing my suppressed powers and feelings?'

'Apart from that not much,' he said and almost casually, but Vanya easily saw right through it, not that she would believe him either way given how serious of a topic it was.

She sighed, and he let his face reveal some of his regret and anger as he looked at their joined hands, 'I spent all the time I had left jumping around trying to figure it out when all I should have done was stay with you. I just…I just fucked up.'

He chuckled to himself, 'Funny, how I always seem to do that when it comes to you.'

She knew he meant the first time he left, ran away to 2019, probably before whatever was happening between them could evolve into something more, into _this_ that they felt now.

Her free hand tugged against the front of his jacket and pulled him toward her before she stood up on her toes and kissed him chastely on the lips imagining that this might have been how they would kiss if they were still kids with a certain innocence and purely typical for that age.

'Not always. Now's good,' she told him and offered him a tiny smile feeling the warmth return to her chest as she saw him return it, 'Give it a day. I'm sure I will figure out a way to screw this up as well.'

'Hey, that's not the confident man I know and love,' she said shaking her head as if she wouldn't allow him to doubt himself like that. Five was always so sure of himself, he shouldn't look like this or feel weak and like a failure. Not when she knew despite all the shitty things, his priority was still to save everyone. Some might argue her judgment of him was being clouded by her feelings. But Vanya wouldn't believe it. She didn't have to remember all of him to _know_ him. To feel it inside her that she _knew_ him and what kind of person he was.

Five chucked, 'Yeah, you know me for three days tops. You don't know shit.'

'Oh, but I do. You're a genius asshole with a heart just big enough to care for the survival of his family and the fate of the world with the potential and skills to actually do something about it,' she said and beamed at him earning a chuckle. This was a bit more honest than the emotionless one before.

'Alright, maybe you do know me a bit,' he agreed and rolled his eyes for good measure. The moment between them passed, however, and something flashed behind Five's eyes that forced him to put his hands on her cheeks as if to keep her in place, 'But you don't know all of it. You don't know the shitty things I had to do. Bad things, Vanya. Really bad. Bloody and scary. Things that would force you to take a step back from me,' he said and even if his voice was filled with humor, she could see from the dark look behind his green eyes that he was serious. He wanted her to think about it. He wanted to frighten her with his words. He wanted her to have doubts and take a step back from him maybe thinking he deserved it. Maybe thinking he didn't deserve her.

In that case, she stubbornly wouldn't do it, and rather take a step forward toward him than away from him.

She raised her brows, 'I ended the world. Unless you caused the death of seven billion people, you can't scare me with your blood.'

He watched her eyes trying to see if she meant it before he shook his head. She had a feeling he didn't believe her, and that he still thought she would run away if she knew the extent of all the things he did, but before she could defend her words and prove him wrong they spotted Luther and Diego and with a sigh decided to walk into the large building _ready or not_ to meet their father.

Despite his seeming annoyance, she did catch the smile even if a sardonic one that pulled over his face once they all got into the elevator. No matter his behavior, she knew he cared for them, all of them, his family. He really did want to save them.

It went a bit downhill when they stepped out and Five and Diego started to argue about who should talk and what should they discuss. Diego still wouldn't let go of his idea about Reginald-dad-whatever planning to kill the president.

It was bizarre really. The moment the man stepped in Vanya was confused. He didn't look scary. He didn't look like a man who could put the fear of god into all of them and ruin them from the start, but then again, did she expect him to have thorns and wolflike teeth.

Everyone immediately sat down upon his arrival and seeing this Vanya followed suit looking around at everyone as they were nervously looking at the man some training to sit straighter others trying to almost impress the man before they probably remembered they didn't have to and tried to act nonchalant about it all. She didn't know what she should be doing so she just watched the man until he glanced up for a moment and their eyes met.

' _I don't want to be here. I want to go play with the others. Please. I promise I will try harder. I promise I will do better. Dad, please. I will train harder. I will never break the glass again. I promise. Please! Don't leave me here!' she was screaming while trying to look through a small window on the door as the man, as dad, continued to walk away before turning off the lights in the room behind the door leaving her alone in the dark in the cold and quiet prison._

Vanya blinked barely realizing she stopped breathing upon seeing and hearing what she did not even listen to whatever the man was saying before.

She felt Allison's hand on her wrist and jumped a bit, 'You okay?'

She nodded feeling suddenly sick before she forced the feeling down and looked at the man again. She…she remembered something. It was the first time, she was sure she remembered something, and it wasn't mixed inside her dreams. She actually saw the memory like she was there like it happened.

_It happened._

Luther and Diego said she was locked up by dad, but she didn't…she didn't really understand what it could mean, how it would even feel like until now.

_It was horrible and scary_.

And she was there, and the more she thought about the more it was becoming a part of her own memory causing a silent chill to run through her back.

The conversation shifted to who they were and why they called him on numerous occasions dad. The man appeared to be very arrogant throughout the whole thing, and even if Vanya managed to push her worried a bit aside, she couldn't help but feel somewhat anxious now seeing how the conversation was going so poorly.

'And you?' he asked after Allison rumored Diego to punch himself rather painfully into the face.

She looked at the man for a moment seeing him as an older man standing behind a small glass window before he left her alone in the dark.

'Uh, maybe we don't take Vanya for a test run,' said Luther as he patted her knee smiling awkwardly at her while she noticed the others nodded or shook their head as they also didn't want her to use her powers for the show and tell.

'That's probably not a good idea,' even Klaus agreed while sipping on his drink.

'Yeah,' nodded Luther.

'It's fine,' she frowned a bit upon hearing that, 'I can handle it.' That was the problem, wasn't it? Dad-this guy believed she couldn't handle her powers so he locked her up and drugged her and had her believe she was a nobody, an ordinary person with no use in the lives of her family or their house or the world. She had her powers for less than three days, and she managed to lift an entire lake and safe Harlan. She managed to stop a bullet and defend herself against the Ikea mafia. If only he had tried harder the first time if only he saw the potential to train and learn maybe _all_ of this could have been avoided. Because she did have that potential. She already got damn good in controlling it.

She could show him, and all of them. She wasn't planning to end the world again. She could master her powers just fine just like all of them could. Why shouldn't she?

She forced the familiar pressure inside her chest to accumulate together a bit recognizing the feeling she always felt before she used her powers.

They others started to panic and tried to convince her not to as she grabbed the fork and hit it against the glass in front of her on the table the sound serving as enough energy to use against the flowers on the table.

She smiled at herself not feeling sorry at all, 'Oops.'

When she looked over at Five behind Allison, her smile fell as his face was far more serious and even upset than she would have imagined. She suddenly felt that her little administration was a bad idea and looked down at her hands telling herself to remain silent until the rest of the _supper_.

Unfortunate for Diego, she was ignored for the rest of the ordeal only for all of them to watch and listen how the man gave him hope that he might have solved the whole thing with president Kennedy only to shot him down in the most brutal way which caused him to start stuttering again for a moment.

It looked promising for a moment once Five took the lead in speaking, but then whatever the hell was that with Klaus happened, and the man decided to exit the room, leaving them all feel like abandoned worthless losers. Vanya included.

Five shot her a brief look but quickly then rushed after the man who managed to rip them all a new one in a matter of those few minutes, they were in his presence. No one could screw you up as badly as your family apparently.

When thinking about her past and family and what could they be like Vanya sometimes thought that maybe not all of them could be good people with who she had a good relationship with, but it was always very abstract, something a person thinks, but doesn't go too deep to actually understand or allow to feel. Now, she knew first hand there was a person like that in her past, a father, who made her feel pretty shitty about herself upon the ten minutes she spent in his presence. She could only imagine what it must have felt like to live with him day by day for eighteen years. Luther was right. Maybe not remembering some things could really be a blessing.

* * *

When Five finally came down from the elevator, he paused not even bothering to hide the shock from his face that she was still there sitting by the pavement waiting for him. The others left dealing with their own hurt and emotions about the whole thing, and Vanya felt really bad for them. She wanted to reach out and try to help, but as they all went to different directions, she didn't know who she should follow. She also couldn't help but feel like she didn't really want to be around them for a bit needing to clear her own head. She could also use a smoke.

With each minute, however, she realized she didn't leave, instead standing nearby knowing that she wanted to wait up and see Five again. Feeling a bit better just thinking about moments they could spend together.

'I thought you would…leave,' he said his voice oddly small. Given how shaken everyone was about meeting _dad_ , she didn't blame him. She could only imagine what did the old man tell him during their one on one talk.

Although he seemed thrown off by seeing her, Vanya couldn't help but feel instantly a hundred times better just by seeing him again familiar with the feeling of relief he seemed to carry around if only for her. Maybe it was something she remembered since before she lost her memories, back when they were close as kids, or maybe it started when he found her after those men tried to kill her, and was there because he was the first person who found her and told her something even if he hid a lot of things. It didn't matter as long as it helped and made her feel this way better than she did from the meeting with the old man.

'I thought about it since you could easily uh… _blink_ away?' she asked not sure if she used the right term while hoping she didn't sound too needy or clingy, 'But I had some time to spare. So it's…whatever.'

Five watched her silently, something in his eyes so different. He looked worried, panicked even like a rabbit caught against a tree with no place to go as the danger was approaching.

Did- _did_ he think she was the danger? Because of the apocalypse? Her powers? Yes, she blew up the flowers, but she just wanted to-she just wanted to prove she could use them without everyone freaking out or worrying.

She knew he called out her name and tried to stop her as did the others, but she knew she could do it and not cause the whole room to explode she- _did_ she make a mistake?

'Five?' she asked and decided to take a step closer herself, and she could tell that it was a good decision since he opened his mouth some of the panic replaced by sudden brutal desperation as he tried to walk toward her to her reaching his hand for her.

'Vanya.'

Just as they were about to meet in the middle the headlights of a stopping car flashed at them causing them both to pause with Five's hand left in the air inches from her. If he just leaned a bit more he would be touching her, but instead, they both turned to look at the person in the car.

_Sissy_

Vanya was confused about how did the woman knew she was there. She hadn't been back to the farm since their argument.

The blonde woman awkwardly waved at them, and Vanya quickly turned to look at Five just as his eyes allowed the worry, the desperation, the fear of whatever it was that was really torturing his soul fade away as he once again put on a mask for the newcomer, the stranger, and even for Vanya.

He turned to her with another reserved expression that reminded her once again of how many times this man had to deny himself anything he wanted in his life for the greater good.

She tried to reach out for him now herself, but he took a step back lowering his hand too quickly for her to catch it.

'Five,' she tried with confidence and determination hoping her face, her voice, her presence made it clear Sissy wasn't here to play a part in a _silly_ and obnoxious love triangle. She couldn't. Whatever affection she felt for the woman was impossible to even be on the same level as the mixture of intense and profoundly deep emotions and feelings she felt for Five. The _love_ she felt for him. She couldn't compare the two.

He shook his head further pushing any glimpse of emotions away, further shrieking into his façade of control and that nothing could hurt or affect him for the sake of his mission, 'It's okay, don't worry.'

How many times did he tell himself that just so he would keep going?

'Listen, I…I need to do something. It might take me the whole night and morning but afterward, I will come and get you, alright?' he asked without really expecting an answer. It made her heart drop into a black pit of anxiety and despair.

He briefly nodded at Sissy and the car, 'Arrange what you need. Be ready. I will come to get you when it's all over.'

She shook her head recognizing that something was wrong. Something wasn't right with him and whatever he wanted to do, 'Wait, Five, don't you…you don't have to do things alone. You have us…you have me-'

He gave her a firm and commanding look his frown making him look like an angry man who would have no problem hurting her. She knew all too well that look and knew he would say something a true asshole would next, 'Just fucking do as I tell you!'

_Called it!_

She thought bitterly having half the mind to reveal her powers again and teach him a lesson. Didn't he understand, he didn't have to do things on his own? He could talk to her. He could tell her. She wouldn't go with Sissy. She would walk with him if he just let her. Why did he constantly drag her in only to push her away? Was it punishment for the apocalypse? Because she left him first?

_What?_

She knew he was upset. She knew something was bothering him, but why did he always have to be such a dick when he felt vulnerable? Why couldn't he just let her in like on those rare moments, they were alone in early mornings in each other's arms or alone in the dark on a couch?

She could tell he wanted to tell her, she could see it in his eyes before Sissy showed up.

_Fuck!_

'Stay on the farm and let me deal with it. None of you can help me anyway,' he said causing a stab of guilt which made her wonder if he didn't hate them all a bit for it. For not being able to help him, and for him always to have to do everything around the family, always having to risk and sacrifice everything he cared for to save his family when all they did was run around doing their side acts.

'Maybe if you let us help,' she said silently more to herself than to him, but he offered her a nasty smirk in return, 'I _did_ let you. All of you, and sometimes I really wonder why I even bother even all you do is screw it all up!'

He probably saw the hurt look on her face and realized what he did, what he caused as his own face softened and revealed the guilt in his green eyes, 'J-just…just go to the farm. Wait for _me_. _Please_.'

With the anger caused by his outburst and words and the knowledge that this was the closest she would get to an apology or polite request with him for tonight, she offered him a short nod and walked toward the car.

She told herself she wouldn't leave him again like she did after she found out the truth about the doomsday, but she couldn't stay when he pushed her like this to leave.

Still, she paused for a moment with her hand on the door noticing Five didn't immediately leave probably waiting for her to get safely into the car which melted some of her fury away and reminded her despite all of _this_ , all his own traumas and issues, he still cared for her. He still _loved_ her.

'Five?' she called out even though she knew his eyes were on his, and she had his full attention.

'Be careful, _please_.'

He opened his mouth, and she was sure, he would say something to fix the situation, something that would cause her heart to speed up and her cheeks to warm up knowing he didn't mean any of it and didn't want to be an asshole to her, and that he loved and cared for her and just was tired and stressed and upset, but it never had anything to do with her and that everything would be alright.

Vanya even felt herself stop breathing awaiting for him to say all of that or anything really catching all the mixture of emotions flashed across his face and inside his eyes before all too quickly Five caught himself and returned his face to a mask of control.

Her heart dropped as he turned around and started to walk away no doubt to do whatever he needed to protect and save his family even if it would ruin even more of him and his soul. Her mind returned to their earlier conversation and how he wanted to convince her about the blood on his hands and how she would be afraid. How he _wanted_ her to be afraid and believed he was dangerous and someone she shouldn't be around too close. However, it did the opposite for her. Because the fact that he didn't want her around because of the things he did and was about to do convinced her that he was who she knew he was inside.

Vanya sighed silently praying that he would be alright and really come back to her as she finally got into Sissy's car.

She reminded herself of their promise from this morning.

_After all of this is over…_

Without a second to spare Vanya started to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Hey, thank you so much for the support and love you show this story. I am glad you like it :) so far. I hope everyone is okay and safe. Have a nice rest of the day and take care.


	4. Chapter 4

Upon waking up the next morning didn't help to lift up Vanya's spirit one bit. The moment her eyes opened she was instantly hit with all that had happened yesterday, from the horrifying flashback of her childhood trauma to the depressing dinner with her father, to the absolutely cruel way Five abandoned her. _Abandoned_. Not left or walked away but _abandoned._ The word itself left a terribly disgusting taste inside her mouth, but the act alone left her to feel like a broken mess. How could he just leave her like that? She understood his reasons. She tried to convince herself he knew what he needed to do, and was smart enough to recognize it as the only option, but damn it if it wasn't hard to believe it. He left her, and she couldn't help thinking that if Sissy hadn't shown up when she did, Five would have given in reach out for her, and told her what he was about to do that left him to look so devastated. The previous day he spoke of blood and horrors he had to commit that she didn't even know about. The agency he had to work for to get out of the wasteland, she doomed him to, the commission, the people who sent the Ikea Mafia, or whatever were their names after her in the cornfield. They were professional killers and with the way Five spoke about his past, there was only one logical conclusion. One she wasn't sure how to feel about or better yet how she felt about the lack of feeling anything about it.

_Five killed people before._

So did she. So did apparently her family. Did it matter to her? It should, but did it? And what did it mean if it didn't? She doubted it was healthy or natural not to care that a person kills people, but Vanya couldn't help it. She couldn't explain the almost addiction that was her love for Five, a stranger, she knew all of four days and who she already felt so connected with, so entwined and linked with that not even the possibility that he was a cold-blooded killer seemed to cast doubts about her feelings.

It was barely a couple of hours, and Vanya already felt miserable missing the stupid man she fell in love with almost at the first sight, at the first kiss, at the first time he ordered her around.

_Arrogant asshole with his stupidly handsome face and smug smirk who would do anything to protect and save their family_

Sighing, Vanya rolled to the side not ready to get up yet. It didn't help her mood and feelings of hopelessness and depression that she woke up in a cold bed all alone without even the memories of her dreams to keep her company. Those dreams, however, frustrating and perhaps unreal were her only somewhat of a clue to her past, her memories, and today after her harsh goodbye with Five they also seemed to abandon her. It was crazy how quickly she got used to them, how quickly she got used to waking up next to Five, and how now the entire damn world, and her bed and the small room she grew to love and feel safe in for the last month was not more than a cold empty space that didn't have _Five_ in it.

She sat up feeling more upset than she did in a while. It was as if her body could tell she was sleeping alone physically hurting over Five's absence like she had a cold, an illness, she couldn't shake.

When Vanya finally came to bed yesterday, she felt so exhausted from all the crying, overthinking and everything that happened in the past few days, she instantly fell asleep with a tiny piece of hope in the back of her mind that maybe she would wake up to Five sneaking into the room like a thief with an apology a warm palm pressed against her cheek, and another lazy or passionate kiss calming her mind and soul away from the horrible things she allowed herself to think and feel yesterday because of his departure. Of course, it turned out to be just wishful thinking as she woke up in her cold bed remembering all the horrible events from the previous day. Meeting dad, Five's harsh departure, Sissy's struggle with what she should do next in her life, not the mention Vanya's own feelings spinning inside her like a tornado. She even at times felt the familiar gathering of her powers inside her chest while listening to the wind outside before she tried to get it under control again not wanting to add a lack of control on top of her endless list of problems. How did life become so complicated so fast? She didn't remember her last name, and she never felt this stressed, yet it felt like now when she had all the answered instead of closure and relief, she felt this unstoppable weight crushing her chest and shoulders not allowing to her breath properly. Especially not without Five around to feel at least a bit like it would all work out in the end like they would have _after all of this is over_ in the end.

Vanya seriously felt shitty about everything, unsure what to do about it all. Mainly she was upset about Five. She knew he needed to leave and do something, he would regret. She could see it behind his eyes. For a moment, for a stupid moment, he wanted to open up and show her, tell her, reveal all of himself to her so she would accept him in the fullest all the bad and good. And she would! Didn't he get that she was in this too? She would accept anything he told her, just like she knew he would as well. She didn't know _shit_ but that much she knew. That much she felt every time she was with him. She caused the end of the stupid world, and yet Five seemed to toss the fact aside like an honest mistake instead of focusing on keeping her from harm's way and stopping another doomsday. If he could do that so easily, why didn't he believe she could as well? Why didn't he believe how deep was her love for him when his was just as deep?

'Shit,' she said as she got out of the bed completely and started to get dressed. She missed him so idiotically much. It was less than twenty-four hours since she last saw him, and that jerk managed to become the most important person in her tiny life filling almost all the space she had to offer to push everyone else aside filling her with so much love and feelings she wanted to drown inside them.

And now he was gone.

_What an asshole! What a complete and horrible asshole!_

_Who does that? Who tells a person they love them and leaves?_

Vanya knew he could be a jerk and a bastard not shying away from laying or insults, but to fill her with so much love she at times was worried her heart wouldn't even be able to handle it, saying all these wonderful things that made her whole body bath in sunshine warmth, touching her in a way she would crave forever knowing no one would be able to spark the same sensation only to _leave_?

No, she did not think Five would be capable of that especially not when he looked at her like she was his most precious possession. Like she was the only person he could allow himself to be soft, tender, and _human_. How could he do this to her? How could he just leave her like this to wait for him with an empty promise of _after all of this is over_ when the more she thought about it, the more she couldn't even picture the _after all of this is over_ to arrive. Not with abusive fathers, crazy siblings, powers, apocalypse, gay friends in the closets, doomsdays, and time-traveling brother-boyfriends who-

_Wait-_

She paused while buttoning her shirt. He never even said he was her boyfriend. Although come to think of it, how weird it would be if he said something some mundane as _a boyfriend_ when everything inside her burned to be with him and she couldn't even remember their quiet and loud childhood crushes Allison spoke of. It was so terribly frustrating. And she had a feeling her younger self was often frustrated with the then boy she fancied as well.

'Five, you're such an idiot,' she said out loud while finishing getting dressed and storming out of the room only to be met with Carl waiting by the kitchen table looking almost _sinister_.

'Morning,' he said with a small nod her way and a smile that made Vanya forget some of her frustration and despair over Five in the name of _worry_.

She shared a quick look at Sissy who kept her head down, her shoulders tense, and everything about her posture as she was preparing breakfast _scream_ uncomfortable. She could also tell something was up.

Vanya mumbled her greeting and went to sit down with her heart in her throat as she couldn't help but think that Carl's behavior was incredibly suspicious and worrisome for some reason.

Last night, by the time Sissy drove them to the farm, Vanya finally managed to stop crying and explain a _bit_ what was going on skipping the doomsday part of course. Afterward, they sat in the car talking about it but also about Sissy and what she should do next. The blonde tried to apologize, but Vanya reminded her of how generously she also didn't want an apology when she couldn't return her feelings two nights ago and they made peace. Vanya suggested them leaving while Sissy explained the situation with Carl's brother who worked for the sheriff and would no doubt start a manhunt on them if they tried to leave his brother. For now, the best thing Vanya could do was to wait to see what Five would manage to achieve even if she hated the fact, he had to do anything that caused him to look so distressed last night not to mention the absolute uselessness she felt over not even able to help Sissy more.

However, now looking at Carl, Vanya couldn't help but fear they might not have that much time. She barely caught what Sissy tried to say about them taking Harlan somewhere when Carl cut his wife off, 'Actually, Vanya is going to drive me today, so she can take the car back here. I'm gonna catch a ride with the neighbor afterward.'

The way he looked at her made her shiver which caused her to feel angry with herself. Why should she be afraid of him? He couldn't hurt her. He shouldn't be able to intimidate her. She could destroy things, end the world, and lift an entire lake. He couldn't do anything to her. If she wanted to, if he threatened her she could snap him like a pencil stick between her fingers.

'Sure, I can take you,' she said and forced her lips into a smile to show him he couldn't get under her skin. Not him, not Reginald Hargreeves, not even Five. Not anyone. She could hold her ground against all of them if she had to.

'Let's go then.'

She caught Sissy's pleading look on her way out no doubt begging her not to cause any problems. Vanya wasn't planning to cause problems. She wasn't planning to do anything if Carl didn't push her, and even if he did she would only defend herself, hold her ground. She caused the apocalypse, but she wasn't a monster. Maybe she wasn't the best of the people, but if all her siblings could treat her the same despite what she had done, she couldn't be that bad. She wouldn't allow someone like Carl of all people to make her snap and lose control. She could control herself better than that. She would humor him during their ride listen to whatever he had to say calmly meet up with Sissy, wait for Five and help her and Harlan leave Carl once and for all, and stop the apocalypse. Five would come back. He had a plan. That much she knew and could believe. A person like Five always had a plan no matter how bad it could ruin him in the end. He would always make sure he had a plan number 48 thinking only an amateur would come prepared with only 26 plans a true strategist used infinity of numbers.

* * *

Once Vanya stopped the car, she should have left. She should have just started the car and left just like she planned to but remembered the supper and how everyone looked down and how no one stood up to _dad_ and how Five left her, and just like that she felt so incredibly weak. Why couldn't she show that man, who claimed to be their father, who traumatized and abused them all their lives, locked and drugged her, his place, and protect her siblings who were cowardly looking away? Why couldn't she convince Five to stay and explain what was going on instead of obeying his orders like a little puppy? Why wouldn't she show Carl, she wasn't afraid of him and whatever he wanted to say to her?

Enough of that. She could end the world. She had powers. She wasn't a scared little girl locked in a dark prison by some weak old man anymore. She wasn't sure who she used to be, but she knew who she was now.

She got out of the car feeling braver than she ever did recalling all those times she let Carl get away with treating Sissy and Harlan poorly while turning it into a joke. She knew it was wrong. She wanted to say something, intervene somehow, to help them, but she didn't. She never did say anything or try to help, and every time afterward, she felt angry with herself about it. She was a coward. She should have stood up to him on their behave before.

'Will you tell me why I'm here?' she asked as she got out of the car following him. He was just a man. No one to be afraid of, and so was dad. They were just people. They could only hurt her if she let them, and she wasn't planning to. Not now or ever.

She let him talk, say what he wanted to say barely listening to his nonsense feeling upset yet somewhat not bothered by it knowing he didn't her and people like her. He didn't understand what they feel and therefore whatever he said didn't really hold any power over her. He could think and say whatever he wanted, but it didn't matter, not to her at least.

'Who I am is not a disease,' she told him proudly with her voice unshaken and her head raised high.

'Call it what you want but it ain't natural,' he said as if he was mocking her trying to bring her down and make her feel bad about it as she would imagine many people like him would.

She loved Five, and before that she cared for Sissy and thought they could have something more for quite a while. Apart from what Klaus said about her serial killer boyfriend, she couldn't recall who she preferred but as far as she could tell now, she didn't really care. It didn't really matter to her that Sissy was a woman, or a mother, or even married. She simply cared for her because of how amazing and kind she was. She was still the most generous and caring person she met or remembered, and it was why despite everything Vanya found herself developing feelings for her. She cared for her as a person, and it went beyond her looks, body, voice, or gender. It went deeper than the beauty on the outside.

The same happened with Five. Yes, he was handsome as the devil, it added to the attraction, but it was who he was and how he acted that made fall hopelessly in love with him. Since the moment he showed up at the cornfield he swept her off her feet by everything he did and said making her heart speed up every time and her feelings to run wild. She didn't remember their past even if she dreamt of it. She knew they were close, she felt the connection, but her feelings bloomed on their own simply because he was _Five_. It didn't matter that he was a man or that Sissy was a woman, Vanya cared for them as individual people. She cared for their minds, souls, and hearts. And memories or not she had a feeling she was always like this. Taking people in by who they were rather than how they appear, looking passed all of their physical attributes in favor of their truest essence.

She could have told Carl he was wrong about her and Sissy and that they were just friends. She would forever hold the woman deep in her heart as a small crush, and dear friend, but she couldn't compare what she felt for her with the intense feelings she carried like a torch for Five for who knew how long. She could have told Carl about Five. She was sure just talking about him would make it clear to anyone who would listen just how much loved him and how important he was to her. She could have explained Carl their plan to leave the farm once they stopped the apocalypse. She could have told him what he wanted to hear. But why should she? Why should she tell him any of it? Why should she defend herself, her decisions, her feelings, and who she was? Just so he could feel better about himself? Because he didn't understand it? Because he thought she was winning over him because Sissy liked her? Because Sissy liked a woman? Did he find it degrading and offensive? Why? People didn't choose who they fall in love with. She hadn't. It just happened, and Vanya would rather face Reginald and dark lonely prisons again than to have that be taken away from her. Every person deserved to feel that kind of love, and if Sissy couldn't get it from Carl she deserved to have a shot to find it somewhere else. The moment, Vanya allowed herself to accept her feelings for Five she became a true believer in that, and she would fight for Sissy to have her right at love like that as well.

He took a step closer to her as if to intimidate her, 'It ain't happening under my roof,' he looked into her eyes revealing the disgust and hater he was probably boiling up since he caught wind of what had been going on, 'Not with my wife.'

It wasn't just that he felt betrayed or angered that his wife could have fallen in love with someone else. He felt personally offended that Sissy could like another woman. In that case, Vanya felt it was her duty to stand her ground and not allow him the benefit of backing down anyway.

She was confident she could do it ignore everything he would tell her before he must have seen the defiance in her face and said the most horrible thing which chilled her to the bone and caused her to lose some of her bravery in that very second, 'Besides, it's Harlan, you should be thinking about.'

'What do you mean?' her voice betrayed her, revealing her hesitation and showed him that he caught onto something. Something he could use against her. Break her with.

'The situations,' he pointed at her as if she was the cause of it like if she never showed up Sissy would stay his dutiful wife unhappy in her little life without hoping for anything else, anything more, 'It's not good for him.'

Carl looked somewhere to the front for a moment before he looked back at her, 'I've been thinking about sending him off for a time.'

'What? Where?' she asked the panic impossible to hide which would make her upset with herself if she didn't feel her heart speeding up in fear at what he was suggesting.

'To a facility better equipped to handle his type. Be good for him to get some _special_ attention,' he said with a confident look.

It was like a switch went off and for a brief moment, she once again recalled the feeling of being locked up in a place where no one could hear her cries with dad walking away to leave her in the dark and alone.

_'Please! I promise I will do better! Please don't leave me here!'_ She remembered screaming for dad, Pogo, mom, anyone, but no one listened, no one came to save her.

'Come on, that's-that's crazy,' she hated the way her voice shook as her mind imagined poor and defenseless Harlan stuck in such a place as she was forced to before every part of her body crushing by a sudden wave of fear.

'Of course, maybe I wouldn't have to do that with you gone. Harlan could go back to spending time with his mommy and his daddy like he should,' said Carl and shrugged his shoulders making it clear what was his intention and obviously seeing how he broke Vanya's strong façade and confidence from a moment again.

He nodded behind her at the neighbor's house, 'Me and Jim gonna have us a drink so you take the car,' he said with a horribly unpleasant smile as he started to walk toward the side of the house only stopping once he was near her, 'and I do expect you to be packed up and gone, by the time I'm back. Sissy said you found some of your family members. I think it would be better for everyone if you go to them. After all, families should stick together.'

Despite everything she told herself about her internal strength, her powers, her lack of trauma, and literally without anything holding her back, she couldn't force herself to use her powers or say anything to stop Carl from walking away. She was horrified. By what he said about being willing to let Harlan imprisoned in some institute, but mostly about how despite everything she couldn't act. She couldn't say anything or do anything to stop him ultimately being left silent like a coward just like when dad was tearing Diego a new one at the supper. All that power, what good did it do to have it if she couldn't even use it to protect the people that needed her to help them the most?

* * *

Vanya made her way to the car and started it going over what Carl said with flashes of the darkroom dad left her filling her mind. She needed to talk to Sissy. She needed to warn her. It wouldn't help if she would leave. Carl knew, and if he knew he could use it against her any time he wanted to. Who said Sissy wouldn't fall in love with another woman again? And who could tell what Carl would do then? What he would do to Harlan?

Her fist suddenly smashed the dashboard letting pain shot through her hand overshadowing her internal struggle. Why was she so weak? Why didn't she tell him something? She should have threatened him. Five would have. Any of her siblings could and would have. So why didn't she? She wanted to help Sissy and Harlan she swore to herself she would help them any way she could, but once again here she was _useless._ So useless.

She felt the familiar pressure inside her chest and heard a small crack on the nearby window.

_Oh no._

She took in a deep breath while flooring it. She needed to calm herself down. The last thing she could afford was losing control over the one thing she seemed to have in her shortly remembered life.

'Fuck,' she said as the noises from the speeding car were hard to ignore and the pressure inside her chest seemed to be growing.

_Come on, come on, don't do this now!_

She tried to plea with herself, with her powers as if they were capable of listening the way a person would. She almost missed the car coming from the opposite direction, the direction of the farm, but at the last moment, she glanced to the side just in time to catch Five's surprised and confused gaze in the passing car.

She hit the brakes at the same time he must have stopped not too far away from each other. The pressure inside her chest was gone, and the noises bearable again.

Both of them seemed to jump out of the car at the same time with Vanya stopping the moment she caught the red splashed over his shirt, 'Five!'

She ran to him all her thoughts of Carl, Sissy, and Harlen, her own uselessness and almost loss of control, not even a distant memory as just seeing Five in such a state nevertheless made him the center of her world again.

She reached her putting her hands all over his face and chest and the dried blood there trying to see where he was hurt not caring how much of it was getting on her hands and clothes as well.

'Vanya,' he tried to stop her with an urgent voice, 'Vanya, stop. I'm fine. It's not mine. I promise I'm fine. Not even a scratch.'

She shook her head, but Five's hands covered her cheeks and forced her head up to face him, their gaze locked in an intense hold desperate for one another, 'Vanya, look at me, please. I'm fine. I promise. They didn't get me. I promise.'

Her hands grabbed a hold of his shirt careless of the blood.

'Promise me,' she demanded desperate for confirmation and still not satisfied when he gave it to her, 'I promise.'

She wouldn't break the eye contact for a while just making sure she could believe him not put it past him to lie to smooth her worries. Eventually, she did believe him and sighed, 'Five, what happened?'

He shook his head his eyes distant all of the sudden telling her all she needed to know and feeling the sorrow he tried not to show her. 'Doesn't matter. We're leaving. I found a way to get us back to 2019. We're leaving now.'

'What?' she asked surprised by him having a solution so quickly, 'How?'

Her eyes fell back on the blood covering his chest. Too much. There was too much blood. Whoever it belonged to didn't survive his encounter with Five. She knew that. She could tell Five was the type who would do anything he had to in order to get what he wanted and what he wanted the most was to save his family, protect it, and be with her.

'I don't have time to explain. Everyone is meeting us in the alley behind Elliot's place. We have to be there, Vanya,' he told her taking her hand in his, her smaller one fitting into his perfectly. She wasn't okay with him looking like this bloodied, not because of what he had to do, but because of how unsettling it was to think he was covered in his own blood, but she followed him just by pure magnetism he always seemed to hold over her when they were together. It was as if she fallen into the lake again getting soaked with everything she felt for him all over again knowing it was the only thing she wanted, knowing it was the only thing she needed, to be with him, to be with Five and love him and for him to love her.

'We're finally leaving this place,' he said worked as a magical peck on the lips breaking the hypnotic state he seemed to put her in every time they were together alone with no interruptions, and she remembered why she was on the road in the first place.

She stopped already knowing even before she let those words out that they would cause a fight between them feeling all those wonderful intense feelings shift into dread upon another argument with Five.

'We can't.'

Five spun around the look on his face shocked, his enchanting green eyes wide and confused, 'What did you just say?'

She took a step closer to him hoping to soften the blow by trying to be reasonable and calm explaining her situation, 'We can't leave…,' she licked her lips, 'My friends. Sissy and Harlan. Carl, her husband, knows. I have to help them. I can't leave them. I have to at least warn them that he knows and that he will try to take Harlan away.'

Five's shock melted into full-on frustration she recognized all so well from yesterday night her stomach dropping with the realization she was right, and Five wouldn't get it arguing with her, 'No, we don't have time. We have to go. Now! We can't afford to miss our window.'

She shook her head desperately torn between explain it to him calmly and holding her ground not to get convinced by him, 'Five-'

'Don't you want to go?'

'I do! I want to go with you, Five, you have to know that,' she said and pressed her free hand against her chest, over her heart, 'I want to be with you more than anything. I…I have to be with you, Five.'

He opened his mouth looking frustrated and confused, but she cut him off, 'But I have to warn them, please Five. You told me I always wanted to help people. I want to help them, please, Five understand,' she tried to make him understand praying that he would, but Five kept his face glowing with cold raising anger, 'Vanya, we don't have time. Your friends have to deal with it on their own. We literally need to go, now!'

'I can't!' she snapped more loudly and violently than she intended to her voice dropping the next time she spoke seeing how slowly Five's face was becoming dark and darker, 'Five, please, understand. I have to help them.'

Without a warning, his hand let go of hers and grabbed her face. It wasn't rough. It was firm but not rough. She knew it could hurt her if he wanted to. It would be easy. She was sure he was more than capable of hurting her physically just as easily as he could emotionally but at the same time, she knew he wouldn't. Not her. Never her and never like this.

'There, tell me still not scared of my blood?!' he asked with teeth ready to bite her. She knew he was referring to the last time they spoke before supper.

She shook her head and took another step closer showing him she wasn't afraid. He didn't scare with his blood. He couldn't. He told her he was capable of things which would make her want to step away from him,

even if it was true, she wouldn't allow him the satisfaction, but she needed him to listen to her, to make him understand why this was important to her. Why she needed to see Sissy and Harlan first.

'Five-'

'No!' he snapped at her and grabbed her arms pulling her closer like he wanted to intimidate her, scare her, terrify her and show her that he really was a horrible person all in all only proving to her that she knew him, and understood him better than he would like to admit.

'Listen to me,' he spoke while gritting his teeth at her, 'we're leaving. We're getting the hell out of here! I am not letting you jeopardize our one shot at this just so you can fucking go play house with your farm girl!' he gripped her hard enough to leave bruises even through the clothing trying to scare her, to show her he was in charge, and she had to listen, but it was all an act, she could see through so easily now.

'You want a nice cute cotton candy life with some ordinary person – well you can't! This?! Me! Is all you get!' his voice was filled with little razors threatening to cut her with his eyes darkened by his anger with her and the situation.

'Because like it or not. Whether you deserve it or not. You're mine. You belong with me until my last dying breath I will make sure _any way_ I can that we stick together. You're stuck with a bloody murdering control freak like _me!_ ' he told her like a crazy man showing her all the horrors he could while she was left to silently watch him held back by his hold even if in a way she knew all too well if she wanted to she could make him let her go easily. She could hurt him even easier than he could her. Did he know that? Somewhere in his always working mind was he aware of it a bit scared? Scared of her?

'Do you get that? Do you get how absolutely unlucky you are that someone like _me_ loves you? _ME_!' he grabbed her face maybe even causing her to get dirty with the blood of whoever he had to kill to give them this shot at coming back home, but Vanya didn't care. She wasn't afraid of his blood. She told him last time, and she felt so now stronger than ever.

'Five-'

'Do you get it now? You're fucked. And you will freaking do as I tell you or I swear to God I will do something neither of us will like,' he said and let her go storming to his car, 'Get inside!'

She watched him in silence for a moment before she raised her chin in defiance and said as calmly as she could without any hints of anger or fear, 'No.'

He stopped in track, and Vanya would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she felt a lot of the hair on the back of her neck stand up upon seeing him all tense like that no doubt taking in deep breaths to control himself.

He spun around, 'It wasn't a request-'

'I don't care. Sissy and Harlan need me. I have time. I will just get them out of the house and then come to you. If-if they really can't come with us, I will just help them escape,' she found some strength as she listened to her own words and stepping closer to him at a steady pace, unafraid of his anger and violent behavior.

'Why should you get to decide that we leave and how when you're the reason we're stuck here?' she asked knowing it was a low blow she would come to regret, and once again proving herself right when he spoke.

'Are you serious?' he asked and started to march toward her, 'We wouldn't _literally_ wouldn't even be in this mess if it wasn't for you causing the apocalypse. TWICE!'

She was ready to bare her teeth at him like an animal everything inside her wanting to snarl and attack him too.

'Do not test me, Vanya,' he said barely a step away from his fists all of the sudden glowing blue the same color his whole body sometimes did when he blinked away. Would he do that now? Would he try to take her with him against her will? He wouldn't dare… _Damn it_ , of course, he would! He was an asshole! She knew him well enough to know he would dare if he thought he didn't have a choice and didn't calm down to think rationally about it.

'Funny, I was going to say the same thing,' she said and built up the pressure inside her chest feeling the familiar rush of power letting itself visible to him as well. For a second, she caught the fear behind his eyes before it was once again replaced with the anger he felt with her stubbornness and defiance. Did he expect her to follow him around like a lost puppy with her mouth shut? Did he want her to sit tight and pretty for him? Like when he left her last night to go back to the farm and _wait_ for him? Who the hell did he think he was? They were supposed to be equals and stick together, yet he barked orders and acted all high a mighty pushing her patience to limits and pushing _her_ away. Dad, Carl now Five everyone was trying to tear her down one way or another, and she wasn't planning on taking that crap any longer.

She was done. She was done with him acting like this.

Everything felt charged. It was like the world around them was buzzing with energy. The same kind she felt the first time he kissed her in this cornfield not far away from where they were standing now.

She watched him feeling her powers spreading inside her ready to explode like last time only this time she had better control of herself or so she hoped. But it wasn't just her. It was him as well. He was shaking and his jaw was set tightly revealing just how angry he felt and how much he was holding back.

Vanya could feel it. If it was possible or not, she swore she could feel his frustration and rage at that moment as well as she could her own. It was almost too much. It was almost touchable in the resonating air around them.

It would probably always remain a mystery to her who moved first but the next thing she knew her powers were pushed back into her, their hands were running feverishly through each others' body, and their lips were trying to let out to frustration with demanding and biting kisses.

Once again, it felt different to kiss him like this due to the height difference. She had to stand on her toes while he had to bend down toward her one of his hands trying to secure her waist to bring her even higher.

The kisses weren't as gentle as they were in the car whenever they woke up. This time they were passionate and hungry with a lot of urgency and some violence as she almost yanked Five's hair that curled around her fingers when he bit her lower lip and pulled.

They were still upset with each other, and maybe both of them wanted to hurt the other one, but even so, the kisses were still acts of passion and love rather than pain and hate.

When they kissed it was all teeth and power trying to find some way to burst out. It wasn't heated it was full-on charged and for the first time, Vanya truly felt like she could lose control over herself and her powers not even sure she needed it in the first place. He tasted like an ongoing battle and desperation and Vanya wanted to hurt him while she bit his lips with her teeth and marked them with a bruising kiss. But then as she felt him reach for her thigh and that she might lose herself completely, she found some common sense and realized what this was all really about.

She broke the kiss and looked at him. She could see it now, under all that anger, there was fear. He was afraid just like everyone else. He just hid it well by speaking like he knew everything and pretending to be old and experienced when really was a scared little kid just like the rest of them. He never got to grow up either just had to adapt and pretend to be a grown-up for the sake of everyone else including her own.

She rose her hand and let it gently caress his cheek over the dry blood like it wasn't even there, 'I'm lucky.'

He blinked confused a bit before she continued her brown eyes never leaving him, 'I'm lucky that someone like you loves me. Someone who would the first and last to find me, and get me back to my family, someone who didn't give up on me no matter what,' Vanya explained only for Five to shake his head trying to look away, but she forced him to look at her again, 'I'm lucky that someone like you loves me. Someone who gets me. Someone can understand what I did and love me despite it. I ended the world, Five, twice, and yet you're here with me and you love him.'

He shook his head again but kept his green eyes on hers, 'You don't understand, Vanya. You-'

'I love you,' she said and kissed him again softly barely touching his swollen with their previous kisses lips, 'That's all I need to understand. Your bloody hands and face don't scare me, Five. Nothing about you scares me. Ever.'

She pressed their foreheads together breathing him in, 'Did you do it for us? To get us home?'

He let out such a desperate sound Vanya wanted to throw her arms around him and hold him forever returning home and helping others be damn. Vanya wanted to selfishly hold Five above the water of his own mistakes and guilt and comfort him more than anything in the world at that moment, to show him it was worth it. That she appreciated what he did, and knew what it cost him and that it was worth it. All he did for them, all his personal hurt and scars and bruises were worth it.

Five finally nodded, 'Yes.'

'Then it's worth it. Then I don't care,' she said and kissed him again before licking her lips, 'I love you, Five.'

This was what she wanted. She wanted to drown herself in him, in love him, so deep and so far she would never be able to come out no matter how terrifying it appeared, she couldn't find it in herself to be afraid of anything he was capable of.

He took in a deep breath and kissed her again slower and more delicate taking his time even though they didn't have almost any left making her feel his love for him in the most tender way before he broke the kiss their foreheads still pressed together.

'I love you,' he whispered his voice a shaky mess all the anger and cockiness gone, 'So damn much, Vanya. You can't even-'

'I can, I love you too, stupid.'

He shook his head and closed his eyes. She could feel his hands shivered as he took a hold of her face, 'Promise me.'

She blinked at him, 'Promise me, Vanya, you will be there. The alley in the back of Elliot's apartment. Twenty minutes not a second later.'

'I will-'

'Promise me!' he said and made her look into his eyes revealing all the vulnerability and terrifying fear of losing her as well as showing her just how damn much he loved her by despite his own selfishness _giving_ her freedom to go warn Sissy and believing that she will come back to him on time.

Vanya smiled. She smiled because she knew why she loved him. She knew she loved him and that despite him being such an asshole sometimes he had enough good inside him for her to overlook it to love him despite it and even because of it.

She nodded without a single doubt, 'I promise. _I promise_ , _Five._ '

She kissed him again almost convincing herself not to leave him at all with wonderful the kiss and the feeling of him letting her to go make her feel. Almost like she fell in love with him all over again, 'Find the others. God knows they will be more troubling then me. I will be there.'

He cursed under his breath, but ultimately he let her go causing both of them almost physical pain by it.

She rushed to the car faster than ever checking her watch and setting herself for fifteen minutes so she would have some time to spare.

'Vanya?!' called Five at the last minute with desperation written all over his face even from the distance as she was about to sit inside the car.

'Five, I promise, after all of this is over, remember?' she called out already starting the car and nodding at him feeling her heart would jump out of her chest only to fall into his palm and stay with him. She needed to hurry. She needed to be done with this quickly and come to Five and the others.

The man she loved nodded at her before at a much slower pace probably still unsure if he should let go or not walked to the car.

She spared him one last look nodding to herself as well and flooring it to the farm silently counting down the minutes in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Hey, thank you for reading. I know I made them split up again, but only one chapter to go so I promise all the painful goodbyes will be worth it. Also, this was angsty, and a bit shorter than I planned but I didn't have anything else to put there, and it felt pointless to make a subplot I wasn't okay with. Thank you for reading and the everlasting support :) I am really excited you all like the story. Stay safe, take care, and have a nice rest of the day :)


	5. Chapter 5

_Hurt_

When Vanya started helping around on the farm, she accidentally burned the side of her forearm against the stove. It wasn't anything major. Sissy made too fuss about it as expected, but Vanya barely felt the sensation focusing more on convincing everyone it wasn't a big deal and that she wasn't this clumsy even if she had no idea of knowing without her memories. The injure was mild, and even if she didn't have anything to compare it to since her memories were still gone, Vanya figured she experienced worse. Didn't everyone?

_Pain_

Vanya knew everyone experienced pain, and that pain could be experienced differently. Maybe she got burnt often when she was a child helping around the kitchen or bringing wood to the fireplace. Her skin could have been used to it. But come to think of it, the head injury she received when Sissy ran her over wasn't so bad either. She could barely remember just how bad it felt then. Wasn't it a common thing, that the more time passed the less it hurt? Time heals all wounds and all that.

_Agony_

Vanya would rather trade both of those injuries and pains and many more just to get herself rid of this agony she felt in that moment while strapped to a chair choking on her own saliva receiving God knew how many volts of electricity which only added more and more to the horrible ringing inside her ears caused by the mixture of sounds.

It was a dream-a nightmare. It was just a nightmare, she told herself over and over again the only thought she could process through the ringing, through the pain.

_Please, please, please, please_

_Make it stop!_

'Nurse,' she heard the male voice, the FBI agent who questioned her, marked her as a Russian spy- _wrong_. _He was wrong!_ She wasn't a spy-she just-she was just trying to get back to her family, to Five. She was just trying to drive Sissy to the bus stop in the city and leave the car in the alley. She was good. She was golden. Almost eight minutes to spare and she needed like four-five max. She was almost in the city and then-and then the deputies showed up and then-

' _I left him a note,_ ' whispered Sissy causing all the air to leave her lungs. She told her not to. She knew it would be stupid, and she told her not to leave a note for Carl. But at the same time, she saw the way the blonde looked away and nodded, her face and posture revealing the lie, and Vanya left her alone in the kitchen to help pack Harlan's thing. She knew. Vanya knew. She let her leave that stupid note. And everything felt apart.

 _Five, I'm sorry. I didn't leave you. I promise I was going to show up_.

She could still see the desperate look in his eyes and feel the pressure of his lips during their last kiss.

_He didn't want her to leave._

_She didn't want to leave._

_But he had to._

_But she had to_.

' _Vanya?_ ' she thought she heard his voice before the ringing and the agony was too much for her to handle, and whatever dark, twisted and heavy had been flowing inside her ever since she could remember in the corner of her mind, in the corner of her heart…

' _Vanya, help me, please,_ ' she heard Harlan all of the sudden call out and try to reach for her.

… _she just let it out._

* * *

Just like that, the pain was gone, and Vanya felt as if a dark veil was thrown over her head shielding her from the sunlight and everything else that was trying to enter her mind leaving her in the blissful dark for a few moments.

Vanya felt as if she was in the bathtub on the farm underwater. She could hear everything from a distance. It was nice. She like the sounds better this way. Everything used to be so loud right at the accident it made her teeth grind which was even worse, but then whenever she went to take a bath in the security of the water the noises were dulled out not torturing her anymore. It was nice, and those first few days all Vanya really wanted was to be underwater all the time.

However, now, when she opened her eye the feeling of momentary security fell away as she found herself a staircase inside a large-looking house she didn't recognize.

She felt like she should be shivering. Something about the house was very ominous and dark and the only thing Vanya wanted to do was to leave it immediately. It was as if she could feel someone was watching her or lurking behind the corner.

Her feet started to move down the seemingly endless stairs. She wanted to leave. It would be easier to find a door downstairs. It seemed to have taken her forever, but after a while, she finally saw the end of the stairs and a large door.

She wanted to get out more than ever.

'We have been waiting for you, Number Seven,' spoke a voice chilling her to the bone.

The man, Reginald Hargreeves, her father who made everyone miserable was sitting by the table looking at her as she tried to go for the main entrance.

He looked the same as he did during the supper, confident as if he knew all the answers and arrogant as if he was in charge of everything. His whole appearance and being made Vanya want to step away from him remembering the horrible memories of being locked up all alone in the dark and what they had done to her psyche, not to mention how horribly he acted to everything, mainly Diego.

She tried to look at the door again. She should leave. She wanted to leave.

'Number Seven,' he said again, his voice causing something inside her to jerk like a string of some sort of instrument creating a horribly unpleasant sound in her mind one that caused her stomach to do a flip, 'We're waiting, Number Seven.'

 _She couldn't leave_.

She looked back at him and started to walk into the dining room where everyone was standing behind their chair seemingly waiting for her to come to take her place so they could eat.

Without any word she walked to the end of the table compelled, knowing it was her spot, right opposite of dad and next to…

_Five!_

She tried to say his name. She wanted to say his name, but she couldn't.

He was standing at her left and waiting like the others. He looked so different. Cold and distant. He didn't look right. He didn't look like himself.

_I'm sorry! Five, I'm sorry, please forgive me. Please, understand._

She didn't say any of those words instead of stopping behind her seat like everyone else before Reginald motioned for them to sit.

The chair felt too big for her. If she looked down would there be no floor left? Would she fall down? She felt confused. She didn't want to be underwater anymore. She didn't want to feel this numb down. She was scared. She felt like shaking, but she wasn't. Something was wrong. Everything felt wrong. She shouldn't have to stay. She should have left. She wasn't supposed to be there.

She looked at Five who was frowning not looking at her. Why wasn't he saying anything? Did he hate her now? Was he mad at her?

She was sorry. She wanted to apologize. Why couldn't she say it? She didn't mean for any of this to happen. Did he wait for her? Did he believe she would come? Did he believe she left him alone?

Men with trays started to show up and serve the food. Everyone looked pleased and excited while Vanya felt everything inside her spinning like she was in a washing machine. She wanted to leave. She wanted to go out of the door she saw and leave. This wasn't right. She didn't belong here. She should have left when she had the chance.

The servants revealed the brains on their places and her heart stopped.

_No! No! No!_

She tried to stand up, but the two of the waiters grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back down.

'Number Seven,' said her father with a warning as she continued to shake her head.

No, she didn't want this. She wanted to leave. She needed to leave.

The others started to eat as if nothing happened. Didn't they see it? Didn't they see what they were eating?

She glanced at Five just as he looked over at her, 'Seven, you need to do this.'

'No,' she whispered. She wasn't Seven. She was Vanya.

_Vanya!_

She didn't want to do this. She didn't want this. This would bring more pain. This would cause more bad memories-this-this…

_I ended the world. I almost killed you. I doomed you to a life in the apocalypse._

_Why if I won't love you after I get my memories back?_

'Vanya,' said Five again his eyes pleading the same way they did on the road when he wanted her to come with him instead and made her promise him she would be in the alley, 'Please.'

She shook her head before he reached out and touched her hand almost as if he was there. Almost but not quite.

His fingers started to slowly rub circles into her skin the same way they did every time so far they woke up together. Did he use to do that before? It felt like he might have. It made her heart speed up and weep just thinking about it. Remembering those moments. Their moments together.

_Together_

_It's real_

_I love you, memories or not, I can feel it in my heart_

_After all of this is over…_

She grabbed the fork with her free hand and dug into the brain feeling disgusted and horror as she got a small piece out.

Her eyes landed at Five's green ones more time for assurance before she took a bite. At first, nothing happened, and she almost thought she could get away with it before her whole mind got floated with images and feelings and more pain than anything physical could ever cause her.

The fork fell out of her hand and with the realization of who she really was and what she had done, Vanya Hargreeves screamed from the top of her lungs while the rest of her family ate as if nothing happened.

_'Vanya, help me, please.'_

* * *

On some days Vanya feared remembering her past. Why didn't anyone look for her? Why didn't anyone know her? Why was her head ringing even before the car hit her? Why did she sometimes felt this dark shadow lurking behind her as if something horrible was waiting to happen to her?

But every time she did get doubts about what her life could have been like, she tried to think positively and remind herself of the good things. There could be people that cared about her. She could have a family. She could have a person she cared about. She could have a nice shop she loved. She could have kids. All of those things she could have and didn't know about, good things, things worth remembering, and looking for overruling her fears and reminded her that she had to know if only to really _know_.

Now, as she laid crying on the floor her head filled with the things she did, the things that happened to her, the things she thought, she couldn't help herself but wish to never have known in the first place. How could remembering _this_ be a good thing? Nothing from her past life was good. Her relationship with her siblings was non-existing, she killed Pogo and Mom, and chased Five away the first moment, he showed back up in her life. She blew up the moon and almost killed her siblings and everyone else, and the worse part was that now she remembered. Now she knew. She knew she wanted to do it. She wanted them to die for being assholes to her, for causing her to feel hurt and alone. She wanted everyone to die. It wasn't an accident. Powers and control had little to do with it. In that rage… In that moment of absolute rage, Vanya truly wanted to kill everyone and for that pain and loneliness to stop.

But it was just that. A moment. A moment maybe everyone sometimes felt that if the world ended it would be for the better if everyone was gone it would have been for the better, if everything just stopped it would have been for the better…

But it was just a moment of irrational anger.

She didn't really want the world to end forever. She really didn't want her siblings to die forever. She really didn't want to kill her siblings forever.

She didn't want to hurt or kill them at all now.

However, it looked like the universe was trying to play her for a fool as she could feel it inside her it was choosing to do just that. End the world. Again. And this time for good.

'Vanya,' she heard somewhere close to her, but she didn't have the strength to glance up. It was too much. It was all too damn much. Memories hurt. Knowing what happened hurt. Her powers hurt. Everything hurt. And it was too much. She was wrong. All her life she wanted to have powers and be a hero, and she was wrong. She wasn't like her siblings. She wasn't cut out for this life, this pain. She wanted it to stop. She wanted her powers to disappear. She didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.

'Vanya?'

She glanced up at the man looking at her. He looked all so familiar with his soft eyes and tender features and-

'Ben,' she breathed out shaking in pain but knowing she was right. This was Ben. An older looking version of Ben.

He offered her a small smile the way he used to when they were kids. Always kind to her. Always patient with everyone. The best of all of them.

_Simply Ben_

She swallowed sobering up from the moment, 'I remember-I remember everything.'

Tears were running down her cheeks, 'And I'm doing it again, aren't I?'

Ben's smile faded, and he nodded causing her to cry harder, 'What's wrong with me? Wh-why can't I control myself like the rest of you? I…'

She shook her head and looked away. It was painful just to look at his understanding face as he sat down opposite from her.

'It's not too late,' he spoke, even his voice was older. He should have grown up. He didn't deserve to die, 'You can go back. There's still time.'

She shook her head, 'I don't deserve to live.'

_You do._

'I killed Pogo,' she sobbed recalling her past mistakes, 'I almost killed Allison and the others. Mom…I destroyed the world. I'm-I'm a monster.'

She closed her eyes. She shouldn't be alive. Dad should have killed her when he had the chance. Before everything. Before this pain. She shouldn't have these powers. She wished she could have given them away a long time ago.

'Dad treated you like a bomb before you were one,' Ben spoke softly, 'He was so scared of your power, he never let you use it. He drugged you up, kept you numb for years. That's messed up, Vanya,' he said and touched her hand the first solid thing she felt in what felt like ages since Five took her hand-Five…

'No wonder you couldn't control it,' he said with understanding in his whole presence, 'That doesn't mean you still can't. Maybe you have a right to be sad, pissed off, and messed up, but it's a shitty world full of shitty people sometimes. You're not a monster, you're my sister,' he said looking at her the same, just as he did when they were kids without fear, without hate or disgust. She felt like herself again for the first time she got her memories back. She felt like Vanya again.

'And right now our siblings are risking everything out there trying to save you. You aren't alone at the table anymore, Vanya. You can do this,' he said with just hope behind his eyes, Vanya chose to believe him if only so she wouldn't have to bring him down.

It was true. All he said was true, and she chose to believe him and try for him, for her family, for everyone, and mostly for herself.

She stood up holding onto Ben's hand as his body started to shatter into little glowing blue lights starling her, 'Ben, what's happening to you?'

Her brother sighed before he gave her a tired look, 'I can't go back with you.'

'What do you mean?' she asked looking him up and down as he was slowly falling apart, and then it hit her.

'I'm hurting you, aren't I?' she asked horrified she was doing this to him causing more pain to another of her family members.

Ben shook his head, 'It's not your fault. I've been holding on as long as I can in here, but-'

'You shouldn't have come for me,' she said feeling horrible doubts catching into her again.

'Vanya, I've died 17 years ago. All the rest of this, these years with Klaus was just a bonus. At least this time I get to say goodbye,' he said as if he was in peace with what was about to happen to him.

'Can I ask you for a favor?' he asked.

'Anything,' she replied in a heartbeat.

'Can you hug me as I go? It's been a long time since-,' she didn't let him finish throwing herself over his torse burying her face inside his chest feeling what was left of him while he slowly faded away.

'Thank you,' she whispered holding onto her brother not ready to let go, not sure she would ever be ready to let go. After he died, all Vanya wished for was a few moments with him, his death was so sudden and final unlike Five's disappearance there was no hope for Ben's return. Now that she got a chance of a few more moments with him, it still wasn't enough. It never would have been.

He touched her back, 'Have a good life, Vanya. Say hi to Five from me.'

She chuckled holding onto him as tight as she could wishing they could talk more about everything they had been through like the old days.

'And tell Klaus something from me,' he said a bit softer before he leaned closer and whispered his final words.

Vanya found fitting that they were dedicated to Klaus of all of their sibling and people that they knew.

* * *

Her, Klaus, and Allison got out of the building with everyone still too occupied with the shooting and trying to get cover, but they need to move fast which was proving difficult with how they were all uneasy on their feet.

Five and Luther met them halfway coming from the opposite direction, of whatever personal mission they got involved in.

Vanya could feel her heart speeding up at the sight of Five. When he first came back to her he was in the body of a thirteen-year-old, it was like a punch into the gut of whatever hope she ever carried in her heart that maybe one day they could…She finally pleaded with herself to let him go, let her love for him go knowing they could never be anything than what they almost were. But despite all odds, they were here now, and they fell in love all over again. Was she ready to meet him? After all of it? After Ben? After getting her memories back and knowing just how truly horrible her life and her powers could be? The powers she wished every single day of her childhood life to have but once she did…

…once she did…

However, the moment their eyes locked _everything_ , every worry, every doubt, every word, everything thought, _everything_ faded away leaving her to feel once again like they were the only two people in the world. All the feelings she carried for him since the _maybe forever_ up until this very moment hit her over the head causing her to stumble a bit in her walk knowing it was _real_. Everything she felt for Five, all of it, all the intensity that she could also grab with her hands, all the care soft as cotton candy, all the deep and passion all the love so magical, thrilling, haunting, and more, _all_ of it up until this moment was _real_. They were real. She could see it feel it clearer than ever just by looking at him, into his green eyes, and knowing he felt it too just the same. It wasn't just because of her memory loss that she forced her feelings upon the first person who came along the way she did with Leonard and Sissy in a way. It went _deeper_ than memories or attraction or falling in love at first sight or whatever. That thing between her and Five…it was _everything_. It was spiritual in a way, she only ever felt with him, never with anyone else. Five was the only one who understood her, her whole life, with powers or without them despite being a self-absorbed asshole, he understood her and connected with her more than anyone in the world. He was more than a friend, confidant, brother, family, lover, boyfriend- he was just _more_ than simple words could describe. Whatever they shared between them, it was pure, profound, and went so much deeper than anything she ever felt for anyone, and now she had her memories back to know it was true. It was always there ever since she could remember her and Five living together in one house even before Allison rumored her, they were connected. It was simple and childlike at first like something friends or siblings could share, but as they got older Vanya knew it wasn't the same kind of thing she felt for the rest of her family. Not even close. She would die for her family, her siblings in a heartbeat. She loved them enough. But for Five…for Five she would live, leave, and breathe if he asked her to. Yet all she and he ever seemed to do was ran away and leave him alone, and both of them miserable. Maybe it was their way of trying to punish themselves for what they had so close they could reach it, touch it, and take it. They were granted with a feeling others couldn't even dream of, so they did everything in their power to stay away from each other, separated, lonely in sadness. Who could say they met their soulmate, their true love as a baby and got to grow up with that person under the same roof? But why should they be ashamed of their good fortune? Why should they try to break what they had? What they could have? And for what? Jealousy of others? Less fortunate ones who wouldn't understand their connection or luck eyeing it with envy?

Well, Vanya was done with that.

All her life, childhood, teen, and adult, Vanya did everything she could for others while they rarely did anything for her. All her life she gave away as much as she could for people while they rarely gave anything back to her. All her damn life she tried to be noble, generous, kind, and think of others while they never treated her the same.

She was done with that.

She lost Five so many damn times only for the two of them to end up hurt. For Five, her closest, dearest, beloved person to end up hurt because of that.

Vanya was done with that.

Her legs shook as if she has written her resolution into her bones as a promise. That was what it was a promise to herself not to leave Five again…if he will have her.

Five must have noticed her weak walk and blinked toward them careless of who might be around to see them not that that was an issue anymore.

His green eyes were fixed on her as he said in a commanding voice, 'Give her to me.'

She wanted to tell him everything at that moment. She wanted to apologize and explain, she didn't leave him on purpose, and she was planning to get to him on time, but everything backfired and she remembered everything, and she was sorry she hurt him in Icarus and that she caused Ben to fade away. But now that he was actually here, she found herself speechless just glad that she got to see him, glad that he was alive and not another casualty of her powers. She felt more relief, peace, and exhaustion than she had in ages. But she didn't regret it. She didn't regret that Five found her the way he did, or that her memories were lost because maybe if she had them she wouldn't…she would be too guilty and broken to allow herself to love him the way she did now. She would maybe push everything she felt for him no matter how good and right it felt away in the name of the greater good.

But now having the taste, knowing the feeling, was forever imprinted inside her heart, she could never go back to not feeling like this or allowing herself to give it up. She couldn't, and she wouldn't. It was simply too late for her as she was hopelessly and completely in love with Five as she always should have been since maybe since the day they were born.

'Sure,' said Klaus who was the main supporter of her weight and stepped aside to help Allison instead while Five took a hold of her shoulder, 'I'll pick you up okay.'

She shook her head and grabbed his free hand almost letting out a soft relief moan at how familiar and warm his skin was against hers, 'I didn't leave you.'

Five blinked at her before she said in a rushed voice, 'In the alley…I want you to know I didn't leave you. I would never leave you. I wanted to go with you. I was going to drive sissy and Harlan off and leave the car in the alley to buy them time,' she looked away feeling so damn exhausted and all of the sudden at how perfect to plan could have worked if only it wasn't for Sissy's stupid mistake, 'but she left him a letter and everything got fucked up.'

Five chuckled humorlessly and shook his head while pulling her closer to him before he picked her up ignored of her silent protest she wasn't even sure could be taken as such since she barely struggled, 'No offense, but I don't think I like this woman very much right now.'

Vanya nodded with a tired smile and let her head fall against his chest breathing in his smell realizing she recognized it. She remembered it. She remembered _everything_.

'Five,' she said weakly without looking at him while he mumbled, 'Give yourself a moment. We need to hide anyway. I got you.'

She allowed herself to become nothing more than a weightless body in his arms as he carried her not once opening her eyes knowing Five would keep her safe and not really caring what the others would think too occupied with the realization that she was finally back with Five. Nothing else really mattered or held any real value to her at that moment.

* * *

They returned to Elliot's place. They had nowhere to go. Soon they would be fugitives. There were cameras in the F.B.I and on the streets. People saw Diego run. It wasn't good. Whatever happened next would be a disaster maybe not as bad as an apocalypse but still pretty bad.

Vanya could tell all her siblings felt the same walking around like zombies not sure what to do standing up only to sit back down almost crawling up the ways.

She got up from her spot on the couch where she was sitting with Klaus and Allison and went to Five who was on the stairs.

He read her eyes immediately, and they made their way to the car. Seemingly the only place they could talk in privacy, away from the others.

_Why was it always a car they ended up in?_

Vanya let out a humorless chuckle before she shrugged her shoulders, 'I am sorry I fucked everything up.'

He shook his head and suddenly his hands were around her like a soft blanket she wanted to fall asleep pressed against his side. Without her memories she used to think loving Five could only be burning and passionate, now she could clearly feel and remember just how delicate and precious and safe it could too. Loving Five could be everything she needed it to be. Wild, exciting, crazy, and maddening, only to fall back to soft, tender, and caring. Everything she needed him to be he was and so was their love.

'I love you,' she mumbled against his chest. 'I would never have left you like that.'

He kissed the top of her head soundly, 'I know. I thought you did, but now I know…I wanted to believe you wouldn't but at the same time I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe it was all in my head. Maybe you didn't feel it as strongly as I did and maybe…You chose a better life without me with your friends-'

'I would never,' she mumbled again and leaned away to look at him, 'Never. I promised you.'

His smile was soft as was the rest of him. Vanya never saw Five like this, but she loved this side of him just as she did every other he revealed her so far, 'I'm sorry too, by the way.'

Vanya blinked at him, 'For what on earth could you be sorry?'

'I met my past self today, and it made me realize how _lucky_ I am that you...that you love me back. In the wasteland, _all_ I ever wanted was to get back to my family, to you, but once I did instead of staying with you I jumped around and left you alone again. And now despite actually having you at the palm of my hand I did the same stupid thing,' he said lightly playing with a piece of her hair.

'I'm such a freaking idiot when it comes to you and...I'm sorry for pushing you away, for leaving you alone, for saying all those things and the shouting. Gosh, I'm so sorry about the shouting. You hate loud noises you always had and I'm a mess and-fuck. Vanya, I feel like I'm bad for you like I would kill if anyone hurt you and abusive and-,' she cut him off with a kiss, 'You're perfect for me, Five.'

He shook his head looking away, so she took a hold of his chin and made him look at her again, 'I messed up too. But when we're together…despite everything I don't feel so bad about being a bit messed up. Do you?'

He brushed her hair all the way to her neck, 'You're too good to me. You're too good for me.'

'I was about to say the same thing,' she said and offered him a cheeky smile pleased when he chuckled a bit.

They sighed and remained like that for a moment in the bliss of silence and being able to just sit for a while without anywhere to go.

However, ultimately, Five sighed and leaned a bit away from her to press his back against the side of the back they used once before to sleep in, 'We have about four hours before sunset, and we make it into the national news,'

She sighed looking a bit away annoyed with how they always seemed to be running out of time during these soft alone moments, 'That doesn't sound like a lot of time for anything.'

'It's actually quite a lot of time,' said Five absently thinking about something now, 'In fact sometimes even a second can be enough of time. So much can change in a matter of seconds. One could overthrow an empire. One could start a war.'

When he looked at her she felt as if the whole world stopped. She could never be happy with anyone besides him she knew that in her heart.

'One could fall in love,' he said looking at her mirroring everything she felt for him.

She bit her lip before she asked, 'How many seconds are four hours?'

'14400,' he replied looking down at her lips again starting up a new sensation inside her. One he got close to many times before but now with everything happening as they literally waited with uncertainty about their future in this past they didn't belong too, Vanya didn't feel like trying to calm her feelings anymore. She was done running or feeling guilty. She was done not taking what she wanted. What they both wanted.

'That's a lot of seconds,' she told him before she crawled into his lap looking into his green eyes enjoying the flash of surprise and then the way they clouded with something heavier lustful.

'We should put them to good use. _One_ ,' she whispered brushing her palms against his chest in a painfully slow way her eyes never leaving his. She started to lean closer as she whispered again, ' _two_ ,' right before their lips touched again in another slowly yet charged kiss erasing the rest of the world from existence. She couldn't be sure if it was being in love so much or if Five was such a damn fine kisser, but she swore he kissed her in a way she couldn't help but named _extraordinary_ in her mind every time before everything else faded away completely through the power of the sensation the kiss always sparked.

' _Three_ ,' she continued as Five pressed his hand against her hair and started the slowest journey imaginable through the side of her forehead, ' _Four'_ , temples and cheek ' _Five'_ all the way to her chin, ' _Six'_ and ultimately neck where he would eventually pause it, ' _Seven_ -'

He cut her off with a kiss pulling her lower lip teasingly making her moan softly before he broke the kiss all together whispering back to her as if he didn't want to disturb whoever was near the car, 'You're doing it too fast. Leave the counting to me. I'm somewhat of an expert,' he told her as he leaned toward the side of her neck and began to mark her skin there with wet open-mouthed kisses that threatened Vanya's sanity with how good and electric they felt.

She moved one of her hand to his shoulder her fingers digging into it on their own as she closed her eyes letting herself be taken away, 'If you insist.'

His kisses tasted the same, and yet with her memories back, she appreciated them even more enjoying every second of their lips moving feverishly against each other devouring any space between them before it was even made.

Vanya felt every piece of doubt, worry and reality slip away between her fingers, and she didn't have it in her to care allowing herself to get sucked in by Five's lips and hands that now traveled to her back pulling her even closer.

The car became their own secret bubble shielding them from the rest of the world once again and leaving them free to enjoy each other.

Carefully, she felt Five start to set her down against the car floor breaking the kiss to make sure he set her down as if she was a delicate chine.

Both of them were panting with their faces red and their lips swallow. Vanya couldn't help but appreciate once again just how _ravishingly handsome_ the man she loved her whole life grew up to look.

He licked his lips probably able to taste her off his the same way she could before he spoke, 'I should have done that when I showed up. I wanted to do that when I showed up.'

She smiled fondly at him before she let her hand brush his hair again. 'While in shorts and long soaks, I'm positive that would have gone over _so well_.'

He didn't even roll his eyes at her joke just chuckled and leaned down to kiss her, 'I should have thought, or at least tell you to wait for me.'

'You were busy just chasing the apocalypse,' she said and moved her hands to his shirt under the jacket that she started to unbutton.

He looked like he wanted to say something but clearly paused now as he must have understood she was passed Vanya and deny them what they wanted since the beginning. He didn't ask her if she was sure with words but rather decoded the answer from her eyes.

The next time he kissed her he slipped his fingers under her shirt pulling it above her stomach to leave her exposed to the chilly November air, but not cold as he instantly set his hands over the naked skin causing it to warm up. Everything inside her felt hot because of his touches and kisses and the warmth cleverly traveled to all the parts of her body.

When he bit her lower lip, she moaned surprised by how good it felt and let the jacket and upon shirt slide off his shoulders before he snatched both and toss them to the ground allowing her hands to touch more of his skin feeling the shivers she caused wherever she set her hands on him. It felt deliriously good to know he was just as affected as she felt.

He leaned away to toss his undershirt to the side revealing his bare chest to her. It caused her to forget herself for a moment and only manage to unbutton her pants before his lips were on hers against making her forget about undressing all together in the favor of the sweet taste and delicious feeling inside her stomach and lower belly. He was stupidly handsome that man of hers. Ridiculous really. He wasn't as built or muscley as Luther or Diego, but he looked much better in his naturally beautiful way like a statue in a national museum would.

He pulled her hair to the side to reveal her neck before he kissed her there again.

'You mean _you_?' He asked with some amusement upon her confused _huh_ sound as she completely forgot they were talking about something in the first place. It was very unfair of him to want her to think and talk properly when he was partly naked with her hands allowed to touch him wherever she wanted and his lips marking the sweet spot on the back of her neck that always caused her knees to go weak.

'I guess in a way yeah. I guess in a way we were always connected, our pasts and futures entwined around each other,' she whispered and half moaned trying to find the strength to think over the pleasure she felt from his kisses on her skin.

In the next second, Five leaned away, and Vanya looked into his eyes memorizing the surprise inside them.

'Yeah,' he breathed and leaned down again softly kissing her lips again this time with a long and fond kiss that seemed to reveal just how much he loved her before he whispered, 'I like that. Our past and futures are entwined around each other.'

He looked happy now. Genuinely happy, and Vanya never felt more pleased with herself than she did at that moment knowing she made him look and feel that way.

She stroked his face carefully savoring the moment into her mind forever glad she was able to see it even if just once.

When he leaned back down his eyes clouding with the familiar lust she felt for him as well at that moment, 'Now, let's just make sure our presents remained that way as well.'

She started to chuckle but ended up moaning as his fingers reached for her I side her pants through her panties.

No other words seemed needed at that moment.

There wasn't enough room in the back, so they settled for partly naked partly dressed falling into each other's arms like the two desperate people hopelessly in love that they were. Everything was charged. Everything seemed to spark a bigger brighter fire inside them threatening to tear them apart wondering if this was the limit, their limit but it never was.

Vanya had sex with a few people throughout her life. Some people she thought she loved while others she knew she didn't. But at that moment, it all became pointless because whatever she felt didn't compare to what she felt now when she was making love with someone she loved as much as she did Five.

'It's okay,' she whispered kissing his chin as she felt him struggle for control.

He chuckled humorlessly at that sinking his forehead against her shoulder, 'Shouldn't I be the one telling you that?'

'You can tell me next time,' she stroked his hair and shivered as he started to move inside her knowing she would never feel without anyone else like this. Not that she wanted to.

They exchanged fewer words than ever and yet spoke more and louder with their actions, touches, and kisses. It was perfect in all the right ways, and Vanya found herself falling in love with Five all over again not even regretting all the time they missed out on or whatever little they had left knowing for this very moment, when they were together, connected, entwined with mind, body, and soul it was worth it. It was all worth it.

'I'm in love with you.'

* * *

Afterward, Vanya found herself giggling the entire time they tried to put their clothes back before their siblings or any of the passing by people who could have caught them any time would see.

'What?'

'I just thought if we got caught like this by the police it would be pretty funny,' she grinned and knew despite the shake of his head he found it hilarious as well.

'Impossible, if anyone would to interrupt us while I was inside you, I would have killed them before they had the time to gaps in shock,' he said darkly and Vanya opened her mouth to chastise him for such words but was caught off by his lips and the passionate kiss he gave her. It seemed the both of them had still a lot of love left for one another, but no time.

'Do you think we made the news yet?' she asked, and he sighed with a nod, 'No doubt about it. Ready to face the others?'

'No,' she said shaking her head but took his hand anyway and let him lead her out of the car, 'Do you ever think we will have time for that hotel room you promised me? The one without a handle and key?'

He pulled her closer, her body fitting against his perfect just like it did a few moments again when he made her see the future, 'Oh, we will. Even if I have to ditch the others on a babysitter. We'll have that hotel room.'

She chuckled again still feeling really good about herself after their first time together, 'After all of this is over?'

'After all of this is over,' he repeated the promise they gave each other what felt like ages ago even if it was barely a day.

Together they made their way toward Elliot's apartment and their siblings waiting to see just how big the mess that they ended up in was.

* * *

'Well, we're screwed,' commented Diego after the news reported showed the world their pictures and names as they sat or stood in front of the TV on the staircase.

'Royally,' agreed Luther.

They all felt the collective despair of not sure what to do now.

Vanya glanced at Five who offered her a weak smile that they both knew was just to humor her as he recognized the situation they were in now for what it was a disaster almost as bad as the apocalypse itself.

'What now? We hide?' asked Allison shaking her head looking from each of their siblings as if they had an answer before Five spoke taking a step in front of them, 'Hiding won't solve anything. The commission will look and hunt for us everywhere and whenever we go.'

'They will never stop,' agreed Diego earning a confused look from Five, 'Since when did you become an expert on the commission.'

Whatever he said next suddenly escaped Vanya as she heard the horrible ringing from when Allison fired a gun close to her ear and was electrocuted by the F.B.I. It came suddenly as if threatening to cause rapture in her ears forcing her to turn away from the fight between the two.

She closed her eyes not sure what was going on before all of a sudden, she could see Harlan in front of her with glowing white eyes reaching out his hand.

' _Vanya, help me, please,_ ' he begged the scene so familiar she realized she saw it already before.

Then everything turned black.

* * *

'Hey,' she heard Five's voice before she actually saw him coming back from whatever the hell just happened blinking at Five's worried green eyes and then looking at all her other siblings standing behind him.

'Wha-'

'Are you alright? You fainted,' Five explained and helped her sit up, 'Careful.'

'Harlan,' she said, and she remembered what happened and what she saw.

Five looked confused, 'What happened?'

She swallowed, 'I think…I think I did something. A couple of days ago, Harlan died and I brought him back, and I-I think I transferred some of my powers to him,' she swallowed remembering her time inside her head with dad and the others, 'When I was torture I heard and saw him, I think he was tortured as well and now…,' she shook her head, 'He has my powers but he can't…'

'Control them,' finished Five looking as if he understood something.

She licked her lips, 'I-we have to go to the farm.'

The look he shot her was quick and sharp, a look of jealousy and irrational anger so she quickly took his hand linking their finger together, 'If he does have my powers he could cause an apocalypse too.'

She tried to reason with him knowing he would understand, and just like that the look was gone, Five nodded, 'Do you know how did you transfer them? Can you get them back?'

She nodded almost sure of it. She remembered the feeling now and knew what it meant. She knew what she had to do.

Five sighed in a way she knew he wanted to start another argument, but she quickly asked, 'You're coming with me, right? No more splitting up, remember?'

Something crossed his eyes, and he allowed himself a tiny smile before he helped her up returning to his neutral look in front of the others who didn't look too convinced by the idea but clearly didn't like the whole idea of separating again all that appealing either.

They all made their way to the car as Vanya sat behind the wheel. She was feeling nervous about what was happening to Harlan but somehow overjoyed that for once her whole family seemed to have her back slowly coming to sit into the car. What was it with this car anyway? She would definitely become nostalgic about leaving it after so many times it was involved with their lives now.

'Children ride in the back,' Five told Klaus rather viciously as he took his spot in the front, but their brother simply grinned delighted and started to crawl to the seat between Allison and Diego who looked annoyed by having to move.

Vanya gave Five a look hoping he could see he really didn't have to do this, but clearly that wouldn't fly with him as he instantly snatched her wrist once he was seated and pulled it to his lips marking it with a kiss.

They heard Diego and Klaus wolf-whistled in the back but didn't turn around. Vanya personally felt too embarrassed, and Five didn't seem to care.

Yet, when Luther got inside, she had and found Allison giving her a knowing look which only made her grin knowing her cheeks were warm by the fact that everyone knew.

'What?' asked Luther probably noticing the horrifying look on her face as she was staring at him with her mouth and eyes wide opened while the blood rushed to her cheeks coloring them in that shade of red Five called _tantalizing_ less than an hour ago while he was tracing it all the way from her cheeks to between her breast with his mouth.

' _Nothing_ ,' she said too quickly and with such a squeaky voice, she wanted to crawl under the earth for that alone.

She quickly turned to the front catching the smug look on Five's face right before she heard Klaus's victorious, ' _Aha!_ You two totally did the dirty in the back, didn't you?'

'What?' asked Allison scandalous while Diego started the laugh at Luther's loud discomfort and grossed out noises, 'Seriously? That's it! We're taking another truck. No way, I'm sitting in your love cocoon or whatever this is.'

Vanya groaned at both her siblings' reactions and their shenanigans trying to find her composure. Even if she always wanted to be a part of the family, this she would have rather avoided, 'We don't have time.'

She started the car ignoring Luther's mumbling and Diego and Klaus's comments focusing on her driving and Five's palm against her knee. Even if they didn't know what would wait for them at the farm or afterward. Even with the commission and all of the USA was on their back ready to capture or kill them, she couldn't help herself but feel hopeful more than ever.

Maybe, just maybe she could do all of this and survive with her family having her back and Five by her side. Their _after all of this is over_ felt closer than ever, and Vanya chose to believe she would be able to reach it one day and live it with Five.

She glanced at him realizing he was looking at her the entire time knowing in her heart that as long as she had him and they were together everything that happened and will happen was worth it.

**Koniec**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: Hey, I always planned to end it here, since I didn't really feel the like writing about what happened on the farm or them coming back to meet the Sparrow Academy. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the fight at the farm just didn't really see a point for it for this story maybe in some other one. I hope you enjoyed the chapter anyway, and that I didn't disappoint anyone. I didn't make a graphic sex scene since I always wanted this to be a love story so it would be more of lovemaking than sex, and I didn't feel the story needed all the details :) Thank you so much for such amazing support you showed this work :) I'm glad you liked it. I know I haven't been posting or updating a lot this month, but I am working on stories for Fiveya week which will be happening at the beginning of November so hopefully, you will forgive me. I hope everyone is doing okay and taking care of themselves. If you want to you can leave some feedback. Have a nice day

**Author's Note:**

> A.N: I had a lot of feelings about S02, and I couldn't help but want to express some of them in this fic. So I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for all the support and reading. Have a nice day, and I hope everyone is okay and safe.


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